Welcome to the Wild

Effectively Wild is your place for mediocre coverage of the Chicago Cubs, Chicago Blackhawks, Arsenal FC, and FC Kaiserslautern.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Too Many Changes

Hey kids, after a lot of thinking, I've decided to rename the Lounge. I still love Rod Beck and will continue to try and honor his memory, but I decided I'd like to give the site a more universal appeal. Therefore, the Lounge is dead and Effectively Wild is born. You can continue to count on the same great Cubs coverage (or lack thereof). The humor will remain the same, but I hope to make this site more than just a player tribute page. Basically, this is just what the industry weenies call a "rebranding". I hope that this site can get better in the future with more consistent posting on my part. Welcome to the Wild!

BallHype: hype it up!

Blow it Up

I've seen a plethora of open letters to Tom Ricketts, the would be owner of the Chicago Cubs. far be it from me to buck a trend. I have one wish to convey to Mr. Rickett: Blow Up Wrigley Field.

What's that? "Sacrilege!", all the baseball purists cry. "Never", trumpet the Chad and Trixie crowd. "Tradition!", the blue clad mob of die-hard crusty Cub fans scream. What the fuck is this, Fiddler on the Roof? Seriously, Wrigley Field must go.

Don't get me wrong, I love Wrigley as much as the next Cub fan. She's a grand old lady, a ghost from baseball's past. Her brick and ivy clad walls have seen the passage of time and the making of history. They have seen great players of the ages and seen baseball's color barrier fall.

But do you know what they haven't seen?

A World Series Champion. That's right, the Cubs have never won it all in the Friendly Confines. I don't believe in curses, hexes, goats, black cats, and other mumbo jumbo, but it cannot be denied that Wrigley has seen more than her fair share of futility.

Along with all that history, Lady Wrigley has also been ravished by the forces of time. Netting can't hold back this erosion forever. Cub fans, we need to come to terms with the fact that this place will eventually crumble to dust. We can choose to cling to the past or we can rise up and embrace the future. Mr. Ricketts, the choice is yours, but I for one would like to see the Cubs begin construction on a new state of the art ballpark, something to rival the scope and tradition of our venerable old ballpark, as well as icons like Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park. Let us forge not just a new ballpark, but a new winning tradition to go with it.

Time marches on. The years slide by. Other franchises have changed stadiums several times over while Wrigley has remained. She is a jewel, albeit a flawed stone now. Let her go gracefully into the shadows of the past and let us a have a new glittering diamond worthy and reflective of the new century. I say we begin construction of a new park, to be completed in 2015. As was the case for Yankee Stadium, let the All-Star Game be played one final time in Wrigley in 2014, the 100 year anniversary of her construction. Let us send Wrigley out in style.

Mr. Ricketts, I realize that you met your wife in Wrigley's stands. I know that you understand what being a Cub fan is and how important tradition is. But I urge you sir, to not just look to the past. Tradition is important, but you are the owner now, the steward of this franchise. It's up to you to not just honor tradition, but create it.

BallHype: hype it up!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

MB's Neighborhood: What's Up Chicago?

MB here. I can't tell you how happy I am be to be in this city. There were no black people in Texas, man. Seriously, cracker central. Now, I know that some of you may be a little scared to see me here. You've probably heard all the rumors and bullshit about my temper. That's why I'm here, man. I want to dispel some of the salacious attacks against my person.

1. The Bottle

Man, I wasn't upset that the fan threw a bottle at me. I was just pissed that it wasn't a plastic beer bottle. Who the fuck throws a water bottle? A real sports fan throws a beer. Cheap bitch. Throw a motherfucking bottle at me, I bust you one in the-whoo, sorry. Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean.

2. The Balls on the Field

I was seriously just trying to help the umps out. You know how they've got those little ball pouches around their fat waists, yet they're always running out of balls and the ball boys have to run back and forth all the time. I was just cutting out the middleman, making sure the umps had plenty of balls. Damn sure they don't have any between their legs, blind cocksuckers. Tell me what's a strike, you no-good jerkoff, I'll cut you-hey now, wow. Deep breath, MB. Just chill, man. I'm an Eskimo in an igloo baby. It's all good.

3. Jeff Kent

I don't understand this one. I called Jeff Kent a racist. So what? Jeff Kent is a racist. He's such a cracker there's a picture of him on the saltines box. He's the head cracker. He's also a dick with feet. Fuck Jeff Kent.

4. How I Tore My ACL

This was pretty stupid, I'll even admit. I got hurt trying to twist away from my own coach. But both me and Meachem heard that umpire call me a "fucking piece of shit". Todd Helton heard it, too. 'Interesting' my black ass. Winters is lucky I didn't get a hold of him back then. I'd have twisted his head off his fat fucking neck and shat in it. But not anymore. I'm rehabilitated. That shit just slides off me now. Sonofabitch. I missed playing time thanks to you, dickweed. How'd you like it if I poke your eyes out, take away your livelihood for a while, bitch? That's ain't how you talk to a man on the field, you worthless-easy, MB, easy. It ain't worth it. Sticks and stones, brother, sticks and stones.

5. My Run In With Ryan Lefebvre

Who really gives a crap what I did to some announcer? In Kansas City? Thanks for comparing me unfavorably to some guy who did crack. Man, I just get angry. You'd be angry too if your parents had named you after a damn board game. All growing up, motherfuckers coming up to me: 'Hey, Pictionary' or 'What up, Monopoly? Sorry, Parker Brothers, I guess you failed the Game of Life. You sank my Battleship, Connect Four.' You try dealing with that shit and see if you end up normal.

I just want to reassure the city of Chicago and Cub fans everywhere that all this acting up is behind me. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow ballplayers and the fans for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me, but I promise to be reasonable and use good judgment. I have served my time in anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better. Who said 'Mousetrap'?! I will bust my foot off in your ass!

BallHype: hype it up!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

2009: Welcome Back to the Lounge

Hey kids, Arcturus here. It's a new year here at the Lounge and we're starting to gear up for the upcoming season. Hopefully, the actual season will be better than the offseason. Here at the Lounge, our good friend the Mustache has departed, leaving to go to Cleveland with the Closer Beard. Sadly, the Cubs chose to part ways with TSL favorite Kerry Wood. Wood is joined in Cleveland by utility wunderkind Mark DeRosa, whose departure opens a huge gap. And no, that gap isn't and cannot be filled by Aaron Miles, the white Ramon Martinez/Neifei Perez. The Cubs also added Joey Gathright and let Jim Edmonds fade into the sunset in search of greener pastures and seedier leather bars. Also departing will be the legendary Hank White and the not so legendary Bobby Howry. Hopefully, Jason Marquis will be the Rockies' problem in 2009, as he could be traded any day now. Hendry also added mercurial slugger Milton Bradley, who when healthy promises to be an exciting addition to the club, on and off the field. There are also rumblings of the sale of the Cubs finally coming to pass, so it promises to be an exciting year indeed.

With the assumption that Carlos "The Marmolnator" Marmol will be appointed the Cubs' closer, the Lounge has a new feature in the sidebar. Marmol-Nation will track our favorite fireballer's stats for 2009. Never fear, The Soto-Rooter will continue to highlight the offensive and defensive achievements of the Puerto Rican Teddy Bear, Geovany Soto. In addition, pending his physical, the Lounge will feature commentary from a special new contributor. I expect to hear from him Wednesday or Thursday.

It's a new year, and soon to be a new season of Cubs baseball. The Lounge will be back with a bang with more posts, more douchenuggets, and gayer than ever. Happy 2009!

BallHype: hype it up!