Outlaw Nation

The Cubs were already dangerous and more than a little bit crazy, but all that would change when the Dark Stranger rode into town. Forget that "Behold a pale horse" nonsense, as this man was dark as pitch with a temper that could not be tamed. Let umpires and Gatorade dispensers be afraid, as The Bradley Gang is born. (Cue the Ennio Morricone music).

The Ringleader: Milton Bradley





















The Right Hand Man: El Toro Loco




















The Assassin: The Iceman




















The Hired Gun: The Shooter





















The Annoying Sidekick: Dempster Red





















The Hard Case: Coy "Lefty" Hill



















The Gamblers: The Cajun Connection




















The Big Boss Man: Sweet Uncle Lou




















The Majors will never be the same again.

Banner Day: Cubs Win Two In A Row, Send Cotts Packing

Today was a good day, unless you're a Gatorade dispenser. The Cubs won their second game in a row behind the effort of Carlos Zambrano, who got tossed out of the game after arguing a safe call with umpire Mark Carlson. After ejecting Carlson from the game, El Toro Loco whipped his glove against the wall and took a bat to the recently repaired Gatorade dispenser victimized earlier in the week by Ryan Dempster. Thankfully, the Cubs new arrivals, Andres Blanco & Jake Fox made an impact, as well as Reed Johnson, who hit a homer to give the Cubs the lead in the 8th.

Even better than the Cubs winning back to back games was the demotion of ineffective lefty reliver Neal Cotts, long the bane of this and other Cubs' sites. Some advice: stay gone Neal. Don't come back.

Paul Sullivan says the Cubs are becoming a team of outlaws with the umpires. I say Outlaw On, so long as they win.

Koyie Hill: 12 Hits and Counting

Koyie Hill continues to hit the ball whenever he starts games. He's got 12 hits for the season in 13 games. Paul Bako hasn't sniffed the majors this year, having signed a minor league deal with the Phillies after his release. Maybe it's time to hang up the Tools of Ignorance, Gabor.

21-17: The Cubs Suck Donkey Balls

Okay, the Cubs are 4 games above .500. They have a better record then they did at this time last year. But sweet Jebus, even when they win it looks ugly. Holy Fuck, they got shut out by Joel Pinero the other night and were on the verge of being shut out two nights in a row until they managed to squeeze out one measly run in the 9th last night. I know Ramirez is out for a while, but with guys like Lee, Bradley and Soriano in the lineup, I still expect a little bit of offense. Lilly and Dempster both provided soild starts, only to get hosed by a complete lack of run support. In other upsetting news:

The Padres have agreed to trade Jake Peavy to the White Sox. It's now up to Peavy to decide if he wants to pitch in the American League or not. After all the Peavy to Cubs hype at the beginning of the year, it'll be such a joke to see him go to the South Side. All of Hendry's machinations and it's Kenny Williams who sneaks in to close the deal. According to Peavy's agent, Peavy is leaning toward declining the trade, but he doesn't take into account how much this will frustrate the fuck out of a great number of idiot Cub fans who somehow feel entitled to Peavy. Look for the deal to happen for that reason alone.

The Indians have put Mark DeRosa on the trading block. The Mets are interested, as are many other teams. There's probably no chance the Cubs try to reacquire him and even if they did, no way we could trade them the shitty package we got for DeRosa in the off-season. It would also require Jim Hendry to eat some crow and admit he made a mistake, which is about as likely as me winning a Mr. Universe contest (Like most bloggers, I'm fat and unattractive). I would try to get him back, as I think the Cubs could use both his versatility and his leadership in the clubhouse. It would also allow us to ditch Aaron Miles and use DeRosa at third and Bobby Scales to play second full time. Let the Cajun Hobbitt return to being a nice left-handed bat off the bench, a role he excelled in last year. The way this season is going so far, I predict DeRosa ends up a Cardinal or a Brewer, which will totally piss me off.

Koyie Hill-11 hits and counting

Koyie notches another hit, another square comes off the board. Anyone miss Paul Bako yet? Didn't think so.

Koyie Hill-10 Hits and Counting

10 hits for Koyie Hill. 3 more squares come off the board.

Koyie Hill Appreciation Society 2

As of April 26th, Koyie Hill has 7 hits. So 7 random squares have been removed. Viva Koyie Hill!

Koyie Hill Appreciation Society

Welcome to the first KHAS Post. EW is thrilled that Koyie won the backup catcher job over the corpse of Paul Bako. Every time Koyie Hill gets a hit, we will remove a section of the included picture. Enjoy!

MB's Neighborhood: My First Chicago Suspension

Man, can you believe this shit? A two game suspension? First of all, that fucking pitch was inside. If it were any more inside it would have brushed against my cock. Second of all, I never touched that fat idiot Vanover. He can kiss my ebony ass. Just one more case of the umpires having it in for MB. I gotta call bullshit. I'm gonna appeal this thing. It's a matter of honor, man.

At least we're winning. I'm working hard, trying to get back into shape so I can help out. Maybe Lou will let me pitch. I can't be any worse than that cracker Neal Cotts. He keeps walking guys, me and Ted Lilly are gonna take him for a drive.

5-2: Seven Days Down

Well, it's been a helluva week thus far in the 2009 baseball season. The Cubs are 5-2 despite being without the services of Geovany Soto and having one of the worst bullpens I can recall seeing. Personally, I'd ship Neal Cotts, Angel Guzman and Kevin Gregg off on a Turkish freighter and see what I could scrounge up from the minors or the Japanese and Korean leagues to replace them. We've also seen the first incident of Milton Bradley leaving a game accompanied by a trainer, ably replaced by Stuntman Johnson, who absolutely robbed Fat Prince of a grand slam on Sunday. Let this blog join the rallying cry of those calling for Carlos Marmol to replace Kevin Gregg as Cubs' closer, if only to rack up numbers on Marmol-Nation.

There's also been a trifecta of tragedy in the opening week, as the Angels lost young hurler Nick Adenhart, killed meaninglessly by a drunk fuckstick who apparently couldn't have taken a cab. I hope you and your ilk rot a long time in jail, sir. Adenhart was the #1 prospect of the Angels system and had just pitched six scoreless earlier in the day. What a waste.

The Phillies were struck next, as longtime announcer Harry Kalas died before he was to broadcast the game Monday. My heart goes out to the Phillie faithful and their organization. I remember how my guts were torn out when Harry Caray passed away in 1998. Sometimes you don't realize just how much you get used to hearing these guys call the games year in and year out until they're gone. I never heard Harry Kalas call a game, but if he was half as loved in Philadelphia was Harry Caray was in Chicago, then he will be sorely missed.

Also on Monday, the baseball world lost Mark "The Bird" Fidrych, a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers best known for his colorful antics. I had heard of The Bird and noted that he won Rookie of the Year in 1976, the year I was born. Apparently he died in an accident at his home while working on a truck.

In addition, the Mets opened their new stadium last night and were beaten by the Padres. Suck it, New York. I wasn't even alive in '69, but you still irritate me. Pretty park though, with the Ebbetts Field touches. Too bad it has to be inhabited by the Mets. I did enjoy the cat on the field however.

Tomorrow, MLB honors Jackie Robinson as all players will wear 42 in honor of one of the classiest, bravest men to ever put on a baseball uniform. Or pants. I still believe one of baseball's best moves was to retire Robinson's number league wide. Now if only Marino Rivera would quit wearing it. I know you're one of the best closers of all time, but still. You couldn't wear Jackie's jock, Mr. Rivera. Let it go. I'd also like to see Roberto Clemente's #21 retired league wide as well, as a reminder to players that you need to be more than just good athletes, you need to be good men as well. Just my two cents . . .