Please Don't Leave Carlos!

I know it's been quite a while since I posted here, but I already posted a Carlos Zambrano post on TMS and I still haven't quite vented out my spleen at the retards trying to run El Toro Loco out of town.

I only wish that Carlos himself could read these words, because I imagine he's feeling pretty fucking frustrated at the moment. Carlos has been the best pitcher on the Cubs' staff nearly every year he was in the rotation and this year he has not. He was derailed by some injuries that might have been preventable, but probably not. As someone with a back injury himself whose right sciatic nerve feels like someone poured a boiling hot vat of acid on it, I can only express my admiration for a man who can pitch with a back injury. I've barely managed to crawl out of bed in the mornings to go to a data entry job. But I digress.

I just want to say that Big Z is fucking awesome. When he's on, he's unstoppable. Not only can he pitch, but he swings the bat pretty good and is an excellent athlete. Any time he's had a problem or issue, he works to correct it. Over the years, he has matured and learned how to keep his temper under control (for the most part). I see a big difference between today's Big Z and the pouty childman of years gone past. If you honestly can't tell the difference, then you haven't been paying attention.

So when asshats like Paul Sullivan start rumors that the Cubs are looking to trade Zambrano and other douchetrucks pick up on it and browbeat the guy with questions about said rumor, it pisses me off. I'm sick of these reporters harassing my guys until they elicit the explosion they're looking for and then talk about what a hothead the guy being harassed is. Quit forcing the issue.

If all of this causes the Cubs to lose one of the best pitchers the team has had in the course of my lifetime, then they are truly stupid. Palin level stupid. And I will hate them forever for it.

Big Z, amigo, if you do get to read this, don't go. Fuck those guys. Stay and be our Z Money. Retire a Cub, if for no other reason then to piss the sportswriters off. And stay for me. I love you, man. In a totally platonic, bromance kind of way.

21-17: The Cubs Suck Donkey Balls

Okay, the Cubs are 4 games above .500. They have a better record then they did at this time last year. But sweet Jebus, even when they win it looks ugly. Holy Fuck, they got shut out by Joel Pinero the other night and were on the verge of being shut out two nights in a row until they managed to squeeze out one measly run in the 9th last night. I know Ramirez is out for a while, but with guys like Lee, Bradley and Soriano in the lineup, I still expect a little bit of offense. Lilly and Dempster both provided soild starts, only to get hosed by a complete lack of run support. In other upsetting news:

The Padres have agreed to trade Jake Peavy to the White Sox. It's now up to Peavy to decide if he wants to pitch in the American League or not. After all the Peavy to Cubs hype at the beginning of the year, it'll be such a joke to see him go to the South Side. All of Hendry's machinations and it's Kenny Williams who sneaks in to close the deal. According to Peavy's agent, Peavy is leaning toward declining the trade, but he doesn't take into account how much this will frustrate the fuck out of a great number of idiot Cub fans who somehow feel entitled to Peavy. Look for the deal to happen for that reason alone.

The Indians have put Mark DeRosa on the trading block. The Mets are interested, as are many other teams. There's probably no chance the Cubs try to reacquire him and even if they did, no way we could trade them the shitty package we got for DeRosa in the off-season. It would also require Jim Hendry to eat some crow and admit he made a mistake, which is about as likely as me winning a Mr. Universe contest (Like most bloggers, I'm fat and unattractive). I would try to get him back, as I think the Cubs could use both his versatility and his leadership in the clubhouse. It would also allow us to ditch Aaron Miles and use DeRosa at third and Bobby Scales to play second full time. Let the Cajun Hobbitt return to being a nice left-handed bat off the bench, a role he excelled in last year. The way this season is going so far, I predict DeRosa ends up a Cardinal or a Brewer, which will totally piss me off.

Bonehead Moves: Backup Catcher Brouhaha

All right, here's the deal. Tattooed tough guy Hank White wasn't offered a deal and signed with San Diego for only 25 grand more than the Cubs paid for retread Paul Bako. That sucks. Firstly, Hank White rocks. Granted, the backup catcher is hardly the most glamorous of positions, but Henry Blanco had a solid season behind the dish for the Cubs and managed to bat a respectable .291. I wouldn't bet he could do that two seasons in a row, but I would be willing to bet that Blanco outhits Paul Bako this year. Or any other year.

Secondly, the reason Bako was signed was because he bats lefty. I know we're looking for balance and everything, but just because the guy stands in the left handed batters box, doesn't mean he's going to hit the ball. This is a ridiculous reason to sign a backup catcher, unless he's really good. The words "Paul Bako" and "really good" are mutually exclusive. You're telling me that Lou would really consider pulling Rookie of the Year Geo Soto for this goober to play pitching matchups? Highly doubtful.

With Soto firmly entrenched as our primary catcher, the only reason for the backup catcher to play is to give Geo a breather. The nature of the schedule isn't always going to allow Lou to play the matchups. Geo's workload and stamina are going to play a bigger role in what days he gets to rest. Thus I submit to you that the Cubs wasted $725K on Gabor Bako, when they already have the answer on the roster.

Koyie Hill is the best option at backup catcher because not only is he good behind the plate, but he can hit from both sides of it. He's useful in all matchups, so you don't have to worry about giving Soto an offday when there's a crappy matchup for your backup. There are two more reasons why Koyie Hill must suceed Blanco as the BC.

Only Hill has a sufficient legend of his own to match that of Hank White. Hill severed the fingers of his hand in a tablesaw accident and had them surgically reattached. After grueling therapy, he returned to the game and kicked ass last year for the Iowa Cubs, posting solid numbers. That's pretty damn cool, making him well worthy of assuming Henry's mantle.

The second reason is that Hill named his daughter Phoenix Ray. Giving your daughter a built in porn star name elevates you to legendary status in my mind. Here's hoping he beats out Bako for the job that should rightfully be his.

Come Back Jacque! Seriously.

Hey Jim Hendry! Yeah, you, with the doughnut. Put it down and come over here so I can smack you. You're really gonna do it, aren't you? You're really going to bring Jim Edmonds, my 2nd least favorite ballplayer of all time (Jeff Kent is my all time least favorite player) to Wrigley and let the motherfucker wear a Cub uniform. I hate you. I know that won't change your mind about bringing Captain Mascara to the Cubs, but I thought you should know. I'm just curious, but if we really needed a light hitting left hander to play some center field, why didn't we just keep Jacque Jones? Or Angel Pagan, who was better than Edmonds or Jones?

Super Jock had his issues. He struck out like crazy while making faces like he was constipated. His throws in from the outfield often were eaten by turf monsters. Sometimes he seemed to have a bad attitude. But more importantly than all that, Jacque Jones is NOT Jim Edmonds. I've had my issues with Jacque. Called him names, made fun of his red bat. (Never any racial shit, though. The Poet doesn't play that way.) However, deep down, I don't dislike Jacque Jones. And here are some reasons why:

1. The guy hustles. Sure he can't throw and he goes through stretches where he forgets to stop swinging at everything, but when Jacque connects with a ball, he's busting ass down the line. Doesn't matter if it's a well struck ball or a little infield bloop, Jones always ran them out.
2. He was MUCH better in center than he was in right. He used that hustle to cover a lot of ground and I recall him making some pretty sweet plays out there last year. I know he's a much better center fielder than the remains of Jim Edmonds.
3. Jacque may be a streaky hitter, but holy crap when he's hot, he's scalding. There was a period last year when Jacque was getting clutch hits left and right. I'd rather take a chance on him getting hot than running "Jimmy Ballgame" out there.
4. Jacque Jones is NOT JIM EDMONDS. I can't stress that enough.

To be honest, I never understood why we dealt Jacque to begin with. He was signed rather cheaply, given the way contracts for outfielders exploded the year after we signed him. He has the skills to play in the bigs, he seemed like a team player (even if he was fond of Dusty Baker), and when he was hot, he could hit pretty good, despite his power sort of melting away. He still would be a great platoon partner for Reed Johnson. In addition, the Jones trade accomplished virtually nothing. Sure, the Tigers assumed part of the financial responsibility of his contract, but big whup. The guy we got back, Omar Infante, we promptly packaged with Fat Ohman and sent off to Atlanta for Jose Ascanio. If your response to that was "who the fuck is Jose Ascanio?", I'm sure you're not alone. So basically, we didn't even come up even for all the wheeling and dealing. I think we should have just kept him. Now Florida will get him and we won't even get anything good out of it.

I would take Jacque over Jimmy Ballgame any day, despite the fact that Jones's batting average was just over 10 points lower than Edmonds's. Jacque finished last year at .285 and I have faith that given the chance, he could repeat that figure. Jim Edmonds ended up at .252 and I don't believe it'll ever get that high again and I don't think any one would give a shit if it did.

So Jim Hendry. I know you're gonna sign Jim Edmonds. I've resigned myself to it. But think about what you threw away for peanuts, only to turn around and sign a worse version of what you gave away. In conclusion, you suck.

And Darkness Washed Across the Land . . .

According to MLB Trade Rumors, this deal is all but done. Apparently, the Padres desire some form of revenge for sticking them with Barrett, Prior, Rusch, Estes, Todd Walker, oh how the list goes on over the years. But this is really low, San Diego. Jim Hendry, I can't believe you would sink this low. Is Felix Pie really that bad? Is there no one else who can play center field that we can rescue from the fucking scrap heap? Nyjer Morgan, anyone? Tike Redman? Rajai Davis? Terrence fucking Long? Terrence Long sucks, but at least I like him.



Any of these guys would be preferable to Jim Edmonds, who's done. You hear me? He's DONE. Stick a fork in him and serve him up, he's fucking finished. If we really positively have to have another left handed bat who can play center, can we get Kenny Lofton? I mean I know the guy is old, but come on, Jim. He's a former Cub, he looks like Jimmy Walker, and he's NOT Jim Edmonds. What confuses me is why the fuck we ever traded Angel Pagan. Or Jacque Jones, who while shitty at times, would still be more palatable than signing Jim Edmonds. Please Jim. For the love of Christ man I'm begging you. Please don't sign Jim Edmonds. Think about the children, man. Don't do this.

Thunder Struck

Oh, sweet Jesus. The Cubs have apparently finally decided to send Matt Murton packing. To the Rangers, you might think. Or the Orioles. The Padres? Oh, no. No no no, think again. The Cubs have apparently decided to send Thunder Matt down to the Iowa Cubs. This is a waste of talent as next to Fukudome, Murton is probably the most patient hitter on the Cubs roster. Not to mention that he's been mashing all spring. Granted, he looks about as comfortable in the outfield as George Bush at a gay wedding, but he's not the worst fielder the Cubs have ever had. With the arrival of Reed Johnson, I was sure that the Cubs would punch Murton's ticket, but I didn't anticipate that they'd send the kid back to AAA ball. Come on Mr. Hendry, you can't tell me there isn't a major league ballclub who could use the services of a certain Ginger outfielder who gets on base on a regular basis. Murton's style of play has always been anathema to the Cub method of hitting, which in recent years seems to be "swing first and swing often".

Murton has proven he can hit at the big league level. To send him down now can only stunt his development. Hopefully, his confidence won't be affected by this dipshit move and he can continue to put up good numbers, until he can find a major league team that actually gives a crap about that sort of thing.

Hello Reed Johnson, So Long Matt Murton?

Yesterday, the Cubs signed Reed Johnson, who was released by the Blue Jays. Not a bad signing in my opinion, as the guy crushes lefties. He'll make a nice backup to Felix Pie. Unfortunately, this pretty much spells doom for Matt Murton's run with the Cubs. It's a pity as Thunder Matt will make a nice everyday outfielder or DH for another major league club. I'd love to say that we keep him, but the roster is cluttered enough, and the kid deserves the chance to play every day. Still, this sucks ass. Murton really deserved more of a chance with us then he got.