DoucheNugget of the Week: Julio Castillo

Julio Castillo, a pitcher for the Cubs' A Club, the Peoria Chiefs was arrested following Thursday night's game in Dayton after he threw a ball into the stands, injuring a fan. Apparently, Castillo took umbrage at Dayton's pitcher hitting a Chief player in the first inning, so he followed suit, hitting a Dayton Dragons player in the head and another in the arm. The second player hit, Angel Cabrerra, slid into second with his spikes up, and Castillo then threw high and tight to another Dayton batter. This prompted some comments from Dayton manager Donnie Scott, which in turn brought out Chiefs' interim manager Carmelo Martinez, who proceeded to shove Scott. Castillo then threw gasoline on the fire by hurling a fastball at the dragon's dugout. Then as they say, it was on. Full out bench clearing brawl and a 69 minute delay to get everything sorted out. The umpires ejected 15, but were later overruled by the league office after both teams whined and complained that they would have to use pitchers in the outfield to finish the game. (You can watch the brawl erupt here on Wrigleyville23.)

As for Castillo, he whipped a ball at the opposing team's dugout, but being a Cub prospect, missed by a mile and the bail sailed into the stands, injuring a fan, who had to be taken to the hospital. I'm perfectly fine with pitchers protecting their teammates. One of your guys gets hit, you hit one of their players in retaliation, preferably on the butt or some other padded area. Firstly, you don't hit guys in the head. Secondly, as soon as you hit one guy, it's over. You hit a second, we have problems. Don't get all bitchy and whiny when the second guy hit goes in spikes up. He earned the right when you plunked him as you are no longer even at that point. Thirdly, don't compound the problem by throwing in at the next guy up. And finally, regardless of what happens, you don't heave a 90mph+ fastball into the other team's dugout.

Julio Castillo, I'm embarrassed that you're in the Cubs organization. The Cubs should immediately terminate your contract and the other teams should blackball you. The Cubs should also pay for the fan's medical bills and hopefully settle any lawsuits he/she might file. Castillo should also be held accountable for any damages over what the club is willing to pay out. This was a shameful display by nearly everyone involved. The managers did nothing to restore any semblance of calm for their players and the umpires should have taken control of the game and kicked Castillo out after the second plunking, issuing warnings at that time. Maybe that would have prevented the complete, utter bullshit that followed. This is the Delmon Young bat-throwing temper-tantrum times a thousand and the league and the Cubs need to take appropriate action.

DoucheNugget of the Week: Hank Steinbrenner

Amazing. The jackass apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, does it? We've already witnessed Hank mouthing off about Joba in the rotation before Joe Giaradi was ready to make the move and now the Baby Boss is calling out the entire National League. Apparently, the National League needs to "grow up and join the 21st Century" by hiring either washed up losers who can't field anymore or young guys who couldn't field to begin with to hit for our pitchers, who must just be a little bit more athletic than their AL counterparts. I do agree that the Majors need some parity with the rules between the two leagues, but I say the AL needs to man up, drop the DH rule, and start playing some real baseball. You know, if you teach your guys how to run the bases and practice it, maybe they won't get hurt like Wang did. Personally, the whole idea of interleague play makes me want to puke anyway, but don't be blaming the senior circuit because your guys are a bunch of pansies who don't know how to play the game. It's pretty simple, Hank. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, and you hit the ball. If a guy is on the field, he should be required to bat, it's as simple as that.

And if you somehow succeed in this quixotic quest to install the DH in the NL, be forewarned, Son of Steinbrenner. A large, crazy Venezuelan man will be waiting for you in your driveway one morning. He'll have a baseball bat and a wicked gleam in his eye. Don't Mess with The Zambrano. If you take away his at bats, it'll only lead to more battered teammates and water coolers.

DoucheNugget of the Week: Cody Ross

I saw this story about Ken Griffey's 600 HR ball on MLBTradeRumors.com and it set me off. Cody Ross says: "Just give it to the Hall of Fame, get to meet him, get an autograph, whatever," Ross said. "But people get greedy. They want to make some money. I guess the whole Internet thing kicked all of this stuff off. It didn't used to be like this, but it's a different era. People get money hungry now."

Money hungry? Seriously, Cody? You , a grown man who gets paid millions (or at least hundreds of thousands) per year to play a child's game, are gonna call out some dude who caught a baseball and hasn't even decided what he's going to do with it yet? We know nothing about "Joe", the anonymous man who caught the ball, but I'm guessing he's not making millions. The ball could be worth between 15 and 100K. That's a pretty hefty sum. I love baseball as much as the next guy, but I'm sorry, if I caught that ball, it's already up for sale. If Griffey wants to buy it, I'll give him first dibs on it, but this is a once in a lifetime deal for a lot of people. And Griffey can afford to fork over 100 grand for said ball if he really wants it. with the money Griffey has earned over his career, what's a measly 100K? One less Bentley in the garage? A smaller boat for Kenny Jr Jr? And if Griffey doesn't want to pay that much, someone will. With a hundred thousand dollars, I could pay off my mortgage or put it aside for retirement. That's a lot of bread for the average man on the street. "Joe" is perfectly entitled to ask for fair market value for the ball if he chooses. I don't see that as greedy at all. I'm sure that if Cody doesn't get what he wants in terms of salary from the Marlins next season, he'll go to arbitration and won't consider that greedy in the slightest. And even with inflated salaries, I don't really see ballplayers as greedy. The owners are willing to shell it out, so why not try and make as much as you can? I don't know what "Joe's" real life financial situation is, but one could hardly blame him if he took advantage of the market and collected a windfall from this ball. Not all of us are so blessed as to make millions or even the league minimum. Next time you're cashing a paycheck, think about that, Cody. Douchenugget.

DoucheNugget of the Week: The MLB Brass

Over the last couple year, the head honchos at MLB have found a lot of nitpicky little bullshit things to focus on. While players have been injecting steroids, receiving HGH in the mail, and having alcohol and anger management issues, the goobers in the front office have been worrying about bullshit topics like whether Terry Francona and Lou Pinella are wearing their jerseys under their pullover jackets, how much gray was on Aramis Ramirez's shoes, and making Justin Miller wear long sleeves so his tattoos wouldn't distract opposing hitters.

In this vein, the brass has decided that baseball games are still taking too long and has asked umpires to enforce the asinine rules. Players, managers, PA announcers, and entertainment staff can be reprimanded for taking too long to do their jobs. All of this is ridiculous. Baseball games are long. They involve strategy and deliberation. If that's not your thing, don't watch. Forcing players and managers to speed up the pace of the game by shaving seconds here and there is just retarded. Players have established routines. Some pitchers are very quick to the plate, like Jon Lieber. Others take their time, like Bob Howry. Then there are those who take forever to release a pitch, as in Steve "The Human Rain delay" Trachsel. Trachsel holds on to the ball like some people hold on to a bowel movement. But that's his thing. Other players, like Nomar, have an elaborate batting ritual. All of this is part of the game. You have to respect the game and what goes along with it. You can't sandblast all of the personality out of this game. It's still the greatest game in the world in my opinion, partly because there are no time constraints. Everything in today's instant gratification society is about time. Fast food, TV on demand, movies on demand, everything has to be now, now, now. Baseball is the last bastion standing for taking things leisurely. This is supposed to be enjoyment. It's a kids game, played for the amusement of the masses. Stop fucking around with it. My life is all about rules, timing, and deadlines. Baseball has to have rules, sure. But the rules that defined the sport for over a century don't need to bow to the modern world. Hell, cricket matches can go on for days. What's the harm if a baseball game lasts an extra couple minutes because Scott Eyre needs to breathe between pitches? What difference does it really make if Uncle Lou has his jersey on under his Cubs jacket or if he's rocking it commando style? And if guys want to put tributes to late friends on their hats by inscribing their numbers there, is that somehow going to violate the integrity of the game? Come on MLB. Don't be such douchenuggets.

DoucheNuggets of the Week: An E-mail To the Reds Organization:

Thanks to Bad Kermit at Hire Jim Essian for bringing this story. to my attention. Apparently, during the Reds broadcast on the 5th, Thom Brenneman and partner Chris Walsh implied that Geovany Soto may be using performance enhancing drugs. Here is my e-mail response I sent to the Reds, including comments on Marty Brenneman's anti-Cub fan rant back in April. I was going to take the high road and not complain about that, but when you have two members of the same family who broadcast games for the same organization insult my team and its fans in the span of under a month, I've gotta say something. Considering how pissed I am, especially about the Soto comments, I thought I was pretty civil.

To Whom It May Concern:

It has come to my attention that during the Reds broadcast on May 5^th, Announcers Thom Brenneman and Chris Walsh implied that Cubs catcher Geovany Soto may have used performance enhancing drugs and that this was the reason for his increased output last season and in the opening months of this year. Making that accusation without any evidence is completely irresponsible. The minor league testing program appears to be working quite well, so I doubt Soto would have been able to slip through the cracks. In addition, Soto’s offensive surge came after an extensive off season regimen of diet and exercise, during which he dropped thirty pounds. This is one of the reasons he’s been so much better, both at the plate and behind it. I think Mr. Brenneman and Mr. Walsh owe Geovany Soto and the Cubs organization an apology. These unfounded statements are the kind of asinine thing that can cause a stigma to be attached to a player, despite their being no evidence of wrong doing.

In addition, I would like to add that the Reds owe a second apology, that to the fans of the Chicago Cubs for the comments made by Marty Brenneman on April 17^th. Debasing an entire fan base over the actions of a few fans isn’t good broadcasting in my opinion. If Mr. Brenneman loathes the Cubs organization and its fans that much, perhaps he should seek a different vocation. My family is made up of Cub fans who have never acted in an obnoxious fashion at ball games. The words of Mr. Brenneman were insulting to me as a fan of the Cubs and of baseball and were completely unprofessional and inappropriate. They were in fact petulant and childish.

Perhaps the Reds as an organization need to look at the professional standards to which their broadcasters are held. I’ve been watching baseball for most of my thirty-one years and never have seen two lapses in judgment made by the same organization’s broadcasters within the span of a month as has happened here. Perhaps these gentlemen are not the people you want out there as the voice of the Reds, as it serves to give a poor impression of your storied franchise.

LoserPoet

And the response from the Reds:

Thank you for your e-mail. We appreciate hearing our fans comments.

Ginny Kamp

5/9/08


I sure as hell hope that's an automated reply. This ain't over.

DoucheNugget of the Week-Triple Threat: Joe Morgan/Jon Miller/5 Second Delay

Since I didn't do a DoucheNugget post last week, here's an extended version full of salty goodness.

I don't have the heart to recap the three game series against the Cardinals, but the sting of defeat on Sunday was made much worse by the fact that the game was televised on ESPN, thus putting it in the hands of Joe Morgan and Jon Miller, perhaps the worst announcing team in the history of baseball. I think I'd rather watch the Hawkeroo call a game in which the White Sox hit thirty home runs then hear Miller/Morgan call a Cubs game, especially a Cubs/Cards game. Shall we begin?

Joe Morgan:

Joe Morgan should be Albert Pujols's personal ball washer. This guy spends so much time polishing Pujols's knob, he knows how many indvidual pubic hairs Albert has. I know Albert's a great player, but the man-love has gotten disgusting, especially now that Morgan's other mantasy, Barry Bonds, has "retired" or whatever the fuck. Last night was no exception, with praises heaped upon King Albert, including an interview that was inexplicably broken up and shown in chunks throughout the game. Now, Joe, if you want to talk to Albert that's cool, but for Christ's sake, do I have to hear this shit while the game is going on? Can't you just shoot your wad before the game starts and be done with it? And ESPN, where's the corresponding interview with one of our players? Derrek Lee, for example, who's off to a fantastic start or Kosuke Fukudome, the man with all the pre-season buzz. (More on Fukudome later). Not only do we get a treatise on how awesome Albert is, but Morgan also spent a good chunk of the game talking up Tony LaRussa. At one point, Joe says the mark of a good manager is being able to win with different teams. Yeah, yeah. Tony won with the A's and the Cardinals. I'd like to see Tony go down to Tampa and win with those kids during the years Uncle Lou was down there. Now that would be something. And Joe, you played the game a hundred years ago. Shut the fuck up already. Walt Jockety is exiled to Cincinnati. The Reds suck now. Deal with it.

Jon Miller:

Jon Miller is such a sycophantic little douchenozzle that he undoubtedly has a picture of Joe Morgan mounted above his headboard so he can sustain an erection while fucking his wife. The fact that he can call ballgames with Joe's cock in his mouth is truly amazing. Not that these two assclowns actually call games so much as sit around and bullshit while a game is going on in the background. Hey, Jon? we know Joe Morgan is a Hall of Famer, okay? You don't need to tell us every single fucking time. Jon apparently knows Japanese as well, as he conducted an interview with Kosuke Fukudome that wasn't aired on ESPN, since they apparently couldn't fit it in around their Albert Pujols coverage. Of course, Joe Morgan had to chime in by telling us that the Japanese league is equivalent to our Triple A teams and that Albert Pujols could go over to Japan and absolutely destroy it. No word on whether the Japanese would make Pujols their new Emperor on the spot or not. So these two hosers managed to take an interesting piece about Fukudome and turn it in to another compliment to Albert AND insult the Japanese leagues at the same time. True statement or not, you don't say that kind of shit on the air. It's just not polite. And let's say Fukudome dominates all year and is in contention for Rookie of the Year. I totally predict you'll hear Joe Morgan change his tune on air and say Fukudome shouldn't be considered because he played professionally in Japan. But if the Nippon Leagues are equal to Triple A, doesn't that put Kosuke at the same level as a rookie who came from Triple A? He'll find a way to spin that one, I'm sure.

It's bad enough losing to the Cardinals, but watching ESPN feels like watching a Cardinal home game. That's just shitty broadcasting. I know Miller and Morgan hate the Cubs and that's fine, but they shouldn't be given a national venue to express their disdain. Get a blog, assholes. It's free and you can be as biased as you like. Fuck both of you sideways.

The 5 Second Delay:

The forgotten culprit here is the bullshit 5 second delay that all televised games have these days. (Thanks Janet Jackson. Thanks a lot.) If not for this beastly little device, it would be possible for me to mute the TV and listen to Pat & Ron (Who should be in the HOF, Joe Morgan. Cocksucker.) The 5 second delay means that the radio announcers call the play before the play happens on TV, which just gives me a colossal headache and ruins watching the game on TV. So then I'm forced to choose between listening to the game or watching it on my new HDTV with Miller/Morgan. I chose Miller/Morgan, but after last night, I'm not sure I can make that choice again. If the Cubs play the Cards on Sunday night again, I may be forced to revert to my five dollar AM radio rather than watch my seven hundred dollar TV. At least I won't be tempted to throw something heavy through the screen of my radio the next time Morgan and Miller ignore the play on the field to talk to Albert about his approach to hitting. Fuck all of you fucking douchenuggets.

DoucheNuggetof the Week: High Gas Prices

Took me most of the week to really build up a good head of rage on this topic. Gas prices in my area have currently hit around $3.57 for a gallon of gas. Since I commute and cannot give up my car at the present time, I can only pontificate uselessly to the three people who read this website.

The oil companies are greedy cocksuckers who have bent us literally over a barrel and are fucking us up the ass with a 2x4. This not only hurts, but causes splinters. They continue to reap massive profits and reward executives with bonuses equivalent or exceeding the GNP of several third world countries. When called on the floor by Congress each year, they plead expenses while giving the senators the finger. And where is the federal government in all this? Where is an energy policy that will stop the madness and decrease our reliance on these motherfucking fossil fuel pimps? Is there a leader who has the balls to stand up for the people and say enough is enough? Where's Teddy Roosevelt with the trust-busting stick to beat the shit out of these people? Not in our government, the heads of which are deep in cahoots with Big Oil.

Not that average people are helping out. My wife and I have been carpooling for over a year now, forced to by the price at the pump. Every day, I seed douchebags driving around in SUVs the size of space shuttles, alone. Enough space to transport two little league teams and equipment and usually these monstrosities carry one self-absorbed human. Thanks a bunch. We apparently learned nothing from the Oil Embargo when auto companies began manufacturing compacts and more fuel efficient vehicles. The Me First generation has had just enough of that bullshit, thank you very much. My SUV needs to have a fucking helicopter pad on it. I don't even have a helicopter, but I need it. Just like I need four wheel drive even though the biggest mountain I'm gonna climb is the speedbump at the local Kroger. Or a chrome brushguard in case I get a wild hair up my ass to drive through the neighbor's hedges. Sweet Jebus, is this really what it's come to?

Now, I'm not advocating giving up the automobile. The car is a tried and true symbol of Americana. But here's the problem. It used to be any goober in high school, whatever, could buy a crappy car and drive from Point A to Point B and afford to buy gas on a fast food salary. Cars are freedom, man. Now they've become symbols of the establishment, a fancy bauble used to show off to the world just what a complete fucking narcissist you are. That's not cool. That's Un-American. So is squeezing the middle class out of its right to drive. We NEED to drive to get to work. We need to drive to get out of our parent's houses. We don't need SUVs. Buying an Escalade does not make you Tony Soprano. It makes you a victim of the hype machine.

Back to the gas companies. I really don't believe their reasons anymore for gas price spikes and valleys. Supply and demand has gone out the window. All their excuses are bullshit. These people are raising prices because they can. Someone needs to step in and smack these fuckers down. Teddy's dead and George Bush is getting profits under the table. Who's gonna help us? Remember The Road Warrior? That's where we're going, people.

Deep breath. I'm sure there are people who will disagree with some of this. Some of it is incoherent and childish. But hey, it's my blog. So there.

DoucheNugget of The Week: TV Ads That Suck Ass

I’d intended for the DoucheNugget of the week posts to run every Wednesday. However, since I spent a good deal of time watching baseball this weekend, I was subjected to numerous commercials and just can’t wait any longer. I HATE commercials with a blind, all-encompassing rage. I understand that in order to see the shows and games I want to see that they need advertising in order to survive, but as commercials grow ever more insipid, the more my anger grows. I recognize the need for commercials, but refuse to believe they need to be this retarded.

1. The Free Credit Report commercials. If I have to see this “band” of hosers one more time, I’m gonna kill someone. I hate all of them and I hate the annoyingly catchy music they play in each commercial. I want to punch each and every one of the doucherockets in these videos in the face over and over. These commercials are neither funny nor clever. I need my brain cells to hold MY music, motherfuckers. I shouldn’t ever have to wake up in the morning with any of this crap stuck in my head.

2. The Geico Cavemen. Hey assholes-this wasn’t funny last year. It’s not funny this year. The original commercials sucked, the TV show sucked, the new commercials mocking the TV show suck. Enough with the cavemen. If I have to see the commercial with the caveman on the airport automated walkway with that elevator music pop song in the background one more fucking time, I’m going to the nearest pet shop and poison all the geckos they have in stock. Consider yourselves warned.

3. The Geico Celebrity Ads.-Holy Jesus, as if the cavemen ads weren’t enough, the geniuses at Geico give us these 30 second wonders. Little Richard, Peter Frampton, and James Lipton should be ashamed of themselves for even participating in this nonsense. A double dose of ‘fuck you’ to Geico for subjecting me to Joan Rivers. Thanks a lot, assholes.

4. The Esurance commercials. What, you couldn’t find an attractive enough actress to whore for your company, so you had to draw one? The insurance company of choice for losers not brave enough to talk to real people. Extra hate points for having SO MANY goddamn commercials. I guess not having to pay actual actors helps keep production costs low.

5. The new Volkswagen commercials with the talking Beetle that has a talk show. This is seriously the best you’ve got? What the farfegnugen?

6. Girls Gone Wild-Whenever I watch late night Comedy Central, I’m subjected to these almost every commercial break. Every few months they change, but it’s always the same fucking commercial on any given night. I’m not even a woman and this shit embarrasses me. Just buy some porn if you’re that hard up. This stuff is truly sad. I find it hard to believe there are that many slutty teenage girls out there, but apparently there are. Anyone who appears in one of these videos should be forced to watch it with their parents in the room. Especially their fathers, who probably already have their own copies. I love the female form as much as the next guy, but there’s something so desperate about this crap that I just have to pass.

7. Valtrex Commercials. Do I really need to hear about genital herpes? (Herpes, herpes bo-berpes, bananafanafoferpes-herpes) Especially during a ball game? These commercials air incessantly during Cub games. Keep your VD to yourself, thank you very much. Which leads us to . . .

8. Smiling Bob. The Enzyte spokesperson is another asscastle I’ll punch in the mouth if I ever encounter him in public. People who have big cocks have big cocks. People with little dicks buy Corvettes. That’s the natural order of things, stop screwing with it. We can’t cure cancer, but if you want to add an inch or two to your rod, we’ve gotcha covered.

9. Viagra/Cialis, et al. I don’t want to think about senior citizens knocking boots. I’m happy they found a pill to solve this age old dilemma, but no one gets to use it for very long before they fucking die of cancer. Thanks a lot, science. And Viagra? Talk about the irony of using an Elvis Presley song to advertise prescription medication.

10. Any of the Burger King commercials with the King. What the hell ever happened to just putting up a picture of the fucking sandwich? I’m an American, dammit. You show me a picture of a barbecued cow in patty form and I’m there. I don’t need a creepy guy with a plastic suit and mask showing me the food. Makes me feel like I’m watching some kind of bizarre fetish video. And the new ones with the robotic king are just plain weird, in a stupid kind of way. The breakfast wrap burrito thing looks like somebody blew chunks in a tortilla. Mmm, regurgitated breakfast snackage.

11. The lizards dancing to 'Thriller'. Who writes commercials anymore? Hey, we're too lazy to actually tell you anything about our product, so here's 30 seconds of pop culture nostaglia coupled with clever animation that makes absolutely no fucking sense and has nothing to do with the product we're selling, which apparently is water. And as Lewis Black has pointed out previously, what the hell happened to water? You turn on the tap and fill a glass. It's free, bitches! Free! All you can drink. (Provided you paid your water bill, anyway).

12. The Verizon Commercials with the people walking, talking about who they're gonna call and how often, etc. The guy with the teenage daughter comes off as a clueless dad sterotype and the woman leaving the office building is just another in a long line of women who think they're special because they look hot. When you tell your sister what you think of her boyfriend I hope she pops a cap in your ass. And if I had a teenage daughter who ever talked to me like the way the one in the other commercial does to her dad, she better be running when she says it.

13. The Taco Bell Melt Commercials. Every so often, commercial writers find a song everybody likes, find a way to tie it in to the crappy product they're selling, thus ruining the song for all time. I used to like "Melt With You." It's been used in commercials before, but this one has totally killed the song for me. Watching people eat with food hanging out of their mouths is not something I want to see, especially not 400 times a fucking day. Every channel, every show I watch, this commercial is there. Shame on you, Taco Bell.

I'm sure there's more. Feel free to add yours in the comments.

DoucheNugget of the Week: Dustin Diamond

For a time last year, my wife was addicted to a couple of reality shows: America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, and the complete fucking disaster that was Celebrity FitClub. Since our cable in the bedroom was busted, I often read a book while my wife would watch this stuff. I happened to be flipping channels a few days ago and saw to my dismay that they've begun a new season of this wretched crap and for whatever perverted reason (ratings) they brought back perennial dickhead Dustin Diamond.

Do you remember this hosebag? If you're my age, you remember this:
We Actually Watched This Shit?
I Didn't Even Actually Do Any Drugs in the 80s

He's the skinny little douchebag on the right. While the other guys on the show were screwing the cheerleaders, he was home with his science kit, jerking off to pictures of the token black chick. While no one on this show has done much after it folded, loser boy was hit harder than most:



Aw, Screech So Sad

Unbeknownst to the world was that behind the sweet, dorky exterior of Screech, there lived the soul of a truly awful human being. This guy is completely repulsive. How after playing nothing but Screech on TV that this guy can be so incredibly arrogant just floors me. If you're Pacino, DeNiro, then you've got cred. When your biggest role was in Saved By the Bell: The College Years Goes to Vegas (and the sex tape you probably leaked yourself) then you've got no right to throw your weight around. Your ass shouldn't even be on TV at this point, you should be bagging groceries at the A & P and thanking Jesus you got that much. Smile when someone recognizes you and always doublebag the eggs. I had to sit through this crap last year and listen to this little pussy heckle a Marine Drill Sergeant. Are you completely out of your fucking mind? And then VH1 brings this dingleberry back for this season. Oh, he's 'changed'. He 'deserves' a second chance. Not with the Drill Sergeant, fuckwit. He ain't buying it and neither am I. This year, luckily for me, I don't have to watch it. (Nobody tell my wife there's a new season, please!) My only hope is that the Marine finally loses it and runs over Screech with a tank. I don't think I've seen anyone in more need of a serious beating. I mean look at this guy:

Fuck You, America

He thinks he's better than you, America. This guy. Seriously. Well, guess what chump. Your fifteen are up. Kindly shuffle aside for the next loser from some ancient TV show so America can get on with its lives. We don't need your kind around here.

DoucheNugget of the Week: Jose Canseco Part 2

Jeez, will this guy ever shut up? The more media attention this shithead gets, the longer he's gonna hang around. The asshole went on Letterman and said he doesn't believe Clemens used steroids. Since I'm pretty much going on the principle that the opposite of everything Canseco says is true, that would then imply Clemens in fact did do steroids. Case closed as far as I'm concerned. The has-been ballplayer again asserted that ARod nailed his wife. He also got himself involved in a pissing match with right wing lunatic Curt Schilling.

You might ask, why give this ass castle another DoucheNugget of the Week post? Primarily because I had to agree with Curt Schilling about something. Thanks a lot Jose, you creepy bastard. The other reason is because I found this picture of Jose molesting a Cub fan. I'm not sure who to be angrier at: Jose for being such a complete fucking moron or this poor kid's dipshit parents for allowing the SyringeStallion to touch their child.

Jose, I hope your dick shrank to the size of a Tic Tac. Could explain why your wife left you. Just a thought.

DoucheNugget of the Week: Jose Canseco

Jose Canseco is the first official DoucheNugget of the Week here at The Shooter's Lounge. Jose, you seriously need to shut the hell up. You got your extra 15 minutes with the first book. Now all of a sudden, you introduced A-Rod to steroids AND he tried to bang your wife? What, that wasn't good enough for the first book? Like if you had something on the best player in the game, you wouldn't have blabbed it before now. Come on, Jose-just go back to the independent leagues. Or better still, just retire and fade away. Please? For the good of the game? Even John Rocker won't hang out with you.