EW: The Relaunch

What's up bitches? It's been a long time since I posted here (just over a year). Things have been absolutely crazy over that time. I had back surgery at the end of last year and my wife has had her fair of health issues as well. We've also seen the Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup and watched another mediocre season of Cubs baseball come and go. For some reason it seems like the perfect time to relaunch the awesome lameness that is Effectively Wild, albeit with a few changes.

For one thing, this site will no longer just focus on Cubs baseball. I will also bring my lack of focus and consistency to Blackhawks hockey, Arsenal FC of the English Premier League/Champions League, and FC Kaiserslautern of the German Bundesliga. Why these teams? Here's why:

1. The Chicago Cubs:

A no-brainer. I've been a Cub fan since I was in the womb. My first favorite Cub was Bill Buckner. I liked his mustache. Other favorite Cubs through the years have been Mark Grace, Rod Beck, Ryne Sandberg, Andre Dawson, Rick Sutcliffe, Derrek Lee, Kerry Wood, Aramis Ramirez, Carlos Marmol, Geovany Soto, Scott Servais, Carlos Zambrano, and the man-beast that is Marlon Byrd.

Most of my Cub writing will probably still take place at Exile on Clark Street, which will also recommence posting soon.



2. The Chicago Blackhawks:

I first started watching hockey in 1998 when I was fresh out of college. I really enjoyed the Blackhawks, but it became more and more difficult to catch games on TV, especially after the lockout. I started watching again a few years ago after an endorsement by Hire Jim Essian's Bad Kermit. Hockey has no almost pulled even with baseball as my favorite sport. Favorite Hawks have been Tony Amonte, Eric Daze, Chris Chelios, Nikolai Khabibulin, Marty Havlat, Dougie Gilmore, Bob Probert, Dustin Byfuglien, Kris Versteeg, Jonathon Toews, Patrick Sharp, Duncan Keith, Niklas Hjalmarsson, Antti Niemi, and Marion Hossa.

3. Arsenal FC:

I played soccer from the age of five until I was fifteen. I fell in love all over again during the 2002 World Cup and really became interested in the game after the 2006 World Cup. I became enamored with Thierry Henry, which led me to Arsenal FC. Henry may not be there any longer, but I still catch the Gunners whenever I can. I love their style of play, even though they can be frustrating at times. Some favorite Arsenal players are: Thierry Henry, Bacary Sagna, Samir Nasri, Cesc Fabregas, Philip Senderos, Theo Walcott, Jack Wilshire, and Andrey Arshavin.


4. FC Kaiserslautern:

I started watching the German Bundesliga this season, mainly because this club was able to secure promotion from Germany's second tier league. My family and I lived in Kaiserslautern when I was very young while my father served in the Air Force. Kaiserslauutern is where I first played the beautiful game, albeit not beautifully. When I read online that Kaiserslautern had been promoted back into the Bundesliga, I knew I had to watch as many games as I could. I haven't seen enough games to really have favorite players yet, but so far I really dig Srdjan Lakich.

Please Don't Leave Carlos!

I know it's been quite a while since I posted here, but I already posted a Carlos Zambrano post on TMS and I still haven't quite vented out my spleen at the retards trying to run El Toro Loco out of town.

I only wish that Carlos himself could read these words, because I imagine he's feeling pretty fucking frustrated at the moment. Carlos has been the best pitcher on the Cubs' staff nearly every year he was in the rotation and this year he has not. He was derailed by some injuries that might have been preventable, but probably not. As someone with a back injury himself whose right sciatic nerve feels like someone poured a boiling hot vat of acid on it, I can only express my admiration for a man who can pitch with a back injury. I've barely managed to crawl out of bed in the mornings to go to a data entry job. But I digress.

I just want to say that Big Z is fucking awesome. When he's on, he's unstoppable. Not only can he pitch, but he swings the bat pretty good and is an excellent athlete. Any time he's had a problem or issue, he works to correct it. Over the years, he has matured and learned how to keep his temper under control (for the most part). I see a big difference between today's Big Z and the pouty childman of years gone past. If you honestly can't tell the difference, then you haven't been paying attention.

So when asshats like Paul Sullivan start rumors that the Cubs are looking to trade Zambrano and other douchetrucks pick up on it and browbeat the guy with questions about said rumor, it pisses me off. I'm sick of these reporters harassing my guys until they elicit the explosion they're looking for and then talk about what a hothead the guy being harassed is. Quit forcing the issue.

If all of this causes the Cubs to lose one of the best pitchers the team has had in the course of my lifetime, then they are truly stupid. Palin level stupid. And I will hate them forever for it.

Big Z, amigo, if you do get to read this, don't go. Fuck those guys. Stay and be our Z Money. Retire a Cub, if for no other reason then to piss the sportswriters off. And stay for me. I love you, man. In a totally platonic, bromance kind of way.

Banner Day: Cubs Win Two In A Row, Send Cotts Packing

Today was a good day, unless you're a Gatorade dispenser. The Cubs won their second game in a row behind the effort of Carlos Zambrano, who got tossed out of the game after arguing a safe call with umpire Mark Carlson. After ejecting Carlson from the game, El Toro Loco whipped his glove against the wall and took a bat to the recently repaired Gatorade dispenser victimized earlier in the week by Ryan Dempster. Thankfully, the Cubs new arrivals, Andres Blanco & Jake Fox made an impact, as well as Reed Johnson, who hit a homer to give the Cubs the lead in the 8th.

Even better than the Cubs winning back to back games was the demotion of ineffective lefty reliver Neal Cotts, long the bane of this and other Cubs' sites. Some advice: stay gone Neal. Don't come back.

Paul Sullivan says the Cubs are becoming a team of outlaws with the umpires. I say Outlaw On, so long as they win.

21-17: The Cubs Suck Donkey Balls

Okay, the Cubs are 4 games above .500. They have a better record then they did at this time last year. But sweet Jebus, even when they win it looks ugly. Holy Fuck, they got shut out by Joel Pinero the other night and were on the verge of being shut out two nights in a row until they managed to squeeze out one measly run in the 9th last night. I know Ramirez is out for a while, but with guys like Lee, Bradley and Soriano in the lineup, I still expect a little bit of offense. Lilly and Dempster both provided soild starts, only to get hosed by a complete lack of run support. In other upsetting news:

The Padres have agreed to trade Jake Peavy to the White Sox. It's now up to Peavy to decide if he wants to pitch in the American League or not. After all the Peavy to Cubs hype at the beginning of the year, it'll be such a joke to see him go to the South Side. All of Hendry's machinations and it's Kenny Williams who sneaks in to close the deal. According to Peavy's agent, Peavy is leaning toward declining the trade, but he doesn't take into account how much this will frustrate the fuck out of a great number of idiot Cub fans who somehow feel entitled to Peavy. Look for the deal to happen for that reason alone.

The Indians have put Mark DeRosa on the trading block. The Mets are interested, as are many other teams. There's probably no chance the Cubs try to reacquire him and even if they did, no way we could trade them the shitty package we got for DeRosa in the off-season. It would also require Jim Hendry to eat some crow and admit he made a mistake, which is about as likely as me winning a Mr. Universe contest (Like most bloggers, I'm fat and unattractive). I would try to get him back, as I think the Cubs could use both his versatility and his leadership in the clubhouse. It would also allow us to ditch Aaron Miles and use DeRosa at third and Bobby Scales to play second full time. Let the Cajun Hobbitt return to being a nice left-handed bat off the bench, a role he excelled in last year. The way this season is going so far, I predict DeRosa ends up a Cardinal or a Brewer, which will totally piss me off.

5-2: Seven Days Down

Well, it's been a helluva week thus far in the 2009 baseball season. The Cubs are 5-2 despite being without the services of Geovany Soto and having one of the worst bullpens I can recall seeing. Personally, I'd ship Neal Cotts, Angel Guzman and Kevin Gregg off on a Turkish freighter and see what I could scrounge up from the minors or the Japanese and Korean leagues to replace them. We've also seen the first incident of Milton Bradley leaving a game accompanied by a trainer, ably replaced by Stuntman Johnson, who absolutely robbed Fat Prince of a grand slam on Sunday. Let this blog join the rallying cry of those calling for Carlos Marmol to replace Kevin Gregg as Cubs' closer, if only to rack up numbers on Marmol-Nation.

There's also been a trifecta of tragedy in the opening week, as the Angels lost young hurler Nick Adenhart, killed meaninglessly by a drunk fuckstick who apparently couldn't have taken a cab. I hope you and your ilk rot a long time in jail, sir. Adenhart was the #1 prospect of the Angels system and had just pitched six scoreless earlier in the day. What a waste.

The Phillies were struck next, as longtime announcer Harry Kalas died before he was to broadcast the game Monday. My heart goes out to the Phillie faithful and their organization. I remember how my guts were torn out when Harry Caray passed away in 1998. Sometimes you don't realize just how much you get used to hearing these guys call the games year in and year out until they're gone. I never heard Harry Kalas call a game, but if he was half as loved in Philadelphia was Harry Caray was in Chicago, then he will be sorely missed.

Also on Monday, the baseball world lost Mark "The Bird" Fidrych, a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers best known for his colorful antics. I had heard of The Bird and noted that he won Rookie of the Year in 1976, the year I was born. Apparently he died in an accident at his home while working on a truck.

In addition, the Mets opened their new stadium last night and were beaten by the Padres. Suck it, New York. I wasn't even alive in '69, but you still irritate me. Pretty park though, with the Ebbetts Field touches. Too bad it has to be inhabited by the Mets. I did enjoy the cat on the field however.

Tomorrow, MLB honors Jackie Robinson as all players will wear 42 in honor of one of the classiest, bravest men to ever put on a baseball uniform. Or pants. I still believe one of baseball's best moves was to retire Robinson's number league wide. Now if only Marino Rivera would quit wearing it. I know you're one of the best closers of all time, but still. You couldn't wear Jackie's jock, Mr. Rivera. Let it go. I'd also like to see Roberto Clemente's #21 retired league wide as well, as a reminder to players that you need to be more than just good athletes, you need to be good men as well. Just my two cents . . .

1-0: A Promising Start

My wife has been sick lately, which is why I haven't been keeping up with this blog or contributing as much at Thunder Matt's Saloon, but I would be completely remiss if I didn't post something about Opening Day. El Toro Loco was pretty good against the hated Astros, despite a few shaky moments. He wasn't as sharp as he could have been, but he got the job down, escaping from a couple of jams. Carlos Marmol was a beast, Neal Cotts was scary, Aaron Heilman was solid, and Kevin Gregg coughed up a run, but still nailed down his first save as a Cub.

The offense jumped right in with Soriano and Ramirez homers to lead of the first and second innings. The Cajun Connection turned in the third run of the game when The Riot sacrificed in Mighty Mike Fontenot. Micah Hoffpauier drove in the 4th run and gave the DLee haters more grist for their mill. Geo caught a solid game and Milton Bradley turned in some spectacular defense. All in all, a great start for the Boys in Blue.

I wish I had Tivo, as tonight's game runs against the Blackhawks and my wife's favorite TV shows on CBS. Gee, I wonder who will win this battle.

Koyie Hill Wins Roster Spot

The Cubs made a smart move by designating Robogripped catcher Koyie Hill the backup to Geovany Soto. Hill out hit the corpse of Paul Bako's career to secure the spot I thought should have been his all along. Hill calls a good game and is similar defensively to the older Bako. As a bonus, he can switch hit. Hill batted .381 in Spring Training this year, compared to Bako's .364 (aided mightily by a 4-4 game against Oakland, prior to which Bako was batting .231). Hill is also 6 years younger than Bako. EW is excited to welcome Koyie Hill back to the Cubs and has something planned to follow his exploits throughout the season. Expect it to be inappropriate and stupid.

Sean's Number Five!

Some actual Cub pitching news. Sean Marshall is officially the Cubs' fifth starter. Excellent news in my opinion. Marshall's been solid and he's put the time in, doing everything the Cubs have ever asked of him. He's been almost traded seemingly a million times, his name coming up in talks for Roberts, Byrd, and Peavy, among others. He's been the long guy in the bullpen, done some set up, and worked as a spot starter. Rumor is he also helped build Jim Hendry's garage (where he keeps the man-fridge stocked with Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs) and every week he waxes Ron Santo's car. He's also good to his mom.

Ever since Marshall and Greg Maddux cozied up to one another in the dugout a few years back, Sean has begun putting together solid performances and learning from the not so good ones. I think the Professor would be proud of his former pupil, now the Number Five in the Cubs' rotation.

Baseball's Back, Sorta

The Cubs played their first spring training game of 2009 yesterday, defeating the Dodgers 5-3. Micah Hoffpauir hit a go ahead grand slam in the 5th, which I'm sure will bring out the "Trade Derrek Lee" whiners in full force. I could see Hoffpauir making the team and taking on the role of Daryl Ward, only with a bit more playing time.

It was nice to hear some baseball being played again, even if the game was meaningless.

Ron Santo's birthday was yesterday. Happy birthday, Ronnie!

Did anyone else feel a little bitter that the Cubs played the very first spring training game against the Dodgers, who depantsed the Cubs in the NLDS last season?

Hill Sent to Baltimore

Well, folks, Rich Hill is gone. The once promising lefty hit the Sammy Sosa trail to Baltimore, joining former elite prospect Felix Pie. At least the Orioles seem to like our prospects. Hill had a great little run in 2007, but his head seemed to get in the way. At the very least, this is a low cost investment for the O's, who have to hope Hill pulls a Greinke and gets his head screwed on right. This was a "has to happen" move as Hill was out of options and the Cubs didn't have the luxury of giving him a starting job and hoping he could perform a "head from ass-ectomy". Good luck, Rich. May you be more like Oakland Barry Zito than San Francisco Barry Zito.

Blow it Up

I've seen a plethora of open letters to Tom Ricketts, the would be owner of the Chicago Cubs. far be it from me to buck a trend. I have one wish to convey to Mr. Rickett: Blow Up Wrigley Field.

What's that? "Sacrilege!", all the baseball purists cry. "Never", trumpet the Chad and Trixie crowd. "Tradition!", the blue clad mob of die-hard crusty Cub fans scream. What the fuck is this, Fiddler on the Roof? Seriously, Wrigley Field must go.

Don't get me wrong, I love Wrigley as much as the next Cub fan. She's a grand old lady, a ghost from baseball's past. Her brick and ivy clad walls have seen the passage of time and the making of history. They have seen great players of the ages and seen baseball's color barrier fall.

But do you know what they haven't seen?

A World Series Champion. That's right, the Cubs have never won it all in the Friendly Confines. I don't believe in curses, hexes, goats, black cats, and other mumbo jumbo, but it cannot be denied that Wrigley has seen more than her fair share of futility.

Along with all that history, Lady Wrigley has also been ravished by the forces of time. Netting can't hold back this erosion forever. Cub fans, we need to come to terms with the fact that this place will eventually crumble to dust. We can choose to cling to the past or we can rise up and embrace the future. Mr. Ricketts, the choice is yours, but I for one would like to see the Cubs begin construction on a new state of the art ballpark, something to rival the scope and tradition of our venerable old ballpark, as well as icons like Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park. Let us forge not just a new ballpark, but a new winning tradition to go with it.

Time marches on. The years slide by. Other franchises have changed stadiums several times over while Wrigley has remained. She is a jewel, albeit a flawed stone now. Let her go gracefully into the shadows of the past and let us a have a new glittering diamond worthy and reflective of the new century. I say we begin construction of a new park, to be completed in 2015. As was the case for Yankee Stadium, let the All-Star Game be played one final time in Wrigley in 2014, the 100 year anniversary of her construction. Let us send Wrigley out in style.

Mr. Ricketts, I realize that you met your wife in Wrigley's stands. I know that you understand what being a Cub fan is and how important tradition is. But I urge you sir, to not just look to the past. Tradition is important, but you are the owner now, the steward of this franchise. It's up to you to not just honor tradition, but create it.

The Soto-Rooter Takes Rookie of the Year

No surprise here, but Geovany Soto, rook catcher for the Chicago Cubs, pantsed the competition to take home ROY honors for the National League. The sexy Puerto Rican hit 23 home runs and drove in 86, posting a .285 average. All while being one of the best backstops in the game, rookie or no. Not too shabby, Geo. We'll toss back a cold one for you, buddy!