The three of you who read this website may have noticed that my name changed. LoserPoet is no more, replaced with Arcturus. What does this mean for you, the loyal reader? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Our crappy content will remain the same. I also wanted to announce that the Lounge will officially reopen once the baseball season begins. I will offer updates should the boys in blue do anything useful during the offseason.
If you don't know, Thunder Matt's Saloon has closed its doors. While I wasn't associated with the Saloon for very long, I enjoyed the hell out of my tenure there and am totally psyched to be part of the TMS crew's latest venture: PompCulture
PompCulture promises to be a beacon of humor and wit in the internet wasteland. There will still be Cubs content, although that will not be the main focus. Hopefully, it will be an entertaining look at pop culture, politics, entertainment, and sports that people will enjoy reading. Check it out, you just might like it.
As for the Lounge, I can't promise to post every day, but with the death of TMS, this site returns to being my main outlet for all things Cubs. Hopefully 2009 ends on a better note than 2008 for the Northsiders. Viva Rod Beck!
Welcome to the Wild
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
No surprise here, but Geovany Soto, rook catcher for the Chicago Cubs, pantsed the competition to take home ROY honors for the National League. The sexy Puerto Rican hit 23 home runs and drove in 86, posting a .285 average. All while being one of the best backstops in the game, rookie or no. Not too shabby, Geo. We'll toss back a cold one for you, buddy!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Just checking in to see how things are going with the Lounge. The bar's a bit dusty and I think one of The Mustache's whores might have died in the corner. I've been pretty busy with the Thunder Matt gig and have really enjoyed working with the other bartenders over there. If you've been paying attention, you know that TMS is changing its name and ceasing to be a Cubs blog. Witness the birth of something cool at www.pompculture.com
Mostly what I came here to reflect upon was how shitty the offseason is. Granted, I've begun following football, so I'm not quite as bored as in years past, but the pigskin will never replace baseball as my obsession. Currently, I'm waiting with bated breath to see if Hendry has the stones to wrest Jake Peavy from the Padres. Zambrano, Harden, Peavy, Lilly is enough to make my dick as hard as that brick in left field Soriano's afraid of. We shall see.
In other news, the fate of the free world will be back in capable hands on January 20th, 2009. Thank Jebus. Aside from Obama's white Sox leanings, I think this is a good move for the country, although he's got quite the mess to deal with when he takes office. Temper expectations and hope for the best.
Peace out, see ya in a month or so . . .
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Well kids, the Cubs have dropped four straight. We're officially in the worst losing skid of the year. Now I'm sure all the ledgies and bandwagoneers out there are freaking out, but take heart, oh followers of the Cursed Lost Baseball Tribe, this too shall pass. Captain Walker's out there and he's bringing the children of Cubdom home. It was inevitable that the Cubs would go on a losing streak. That they chose to go on one while the Republican Convention is going on is the only thing that depresses me. I have my own personal Slumpbuster planned for the evening, however. I'm simply not going to watch. Or listen. Or even acknowledge that there's a team on the Northside this evening. It's worked before and hopefully it'll work again. On the plus side, the Sausage Slingers haven't been able to gain any ground, so things remain status quo in the Central.
In other news, I've been offered a chance to join the fine folks over at Thunder Matt's Saloon. What does that mean for the Lounge? Well, it's not going anywhere, although you may not see the same level of activity. The Soto-Rooter will continue to get updated and the martini light will remain on. I hope you'll look for my posts there and stop by and hoist a few Coors' Lights here from time to time. It's been real . . .
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Cubs are 30 games over .500. Let that sink in a bit. Take your time. I'll wait.
Still here? Okay, let me just say, wow. There's only 32 games left, the Cubs are in first and they still look pretty good. Oh, Fukudome's been struggling, and Howry and Cotts could both end up gator bait and I probably wouldn't complain, but nothing's perfect.
There seems to be two schools of thought on Kosuke. There's the "He Sucks, Bench Him" brigade, undoubtedly the same panic prone ledgies who freak out whenever the offense slumps or Big Z has a bad day. Then there's the folks at Cubs.com who think everything is fixed with one pinch hit homer. A nice homer to be sure, but no guarantee that Kosuke's troubles are behind him.
The truth probably lies somewhere in between. Has Fukudome struggled? Uh, yeah. Anyone who watches baseball can see that. Is it time to pull the plug and send him back to Japan with his tail in between his legs? Absolutely not. First of all, the guy plays a Gold Glove caliber right field, something the Cubs haven't had since . . . since . . . since . . . oh, hell, not in my lifetime. Do you really want Sammy back? How about Jacque Jones? Jeremy Burnitz? Didn't think so. Second of all, this guy can hit. We saw it in the first few months. He hit like a beast in Japan, which while not the equal of the majors, is to my mind a notch above Triple A. He has a track record. I think we need to stick with him and hold on. The Japanese leagues don't travel the way MLB does and don't play as many games. While I think Japan has good hitters, the pitchers in the majors have the edge. I think Fukudome will continue to learn and adjust to the pitching and conditions. I think next season he's going to really surprise a lot of people with how good he really is. Is he ever going to hit 30 home runs? Probably not, but with our lineup, he doesn't need to. People can go on and on about how corner outfield spots need to be power spots, but when you're getting good HR production from 1B, 3B, LF, and C, you're doing pretty good. Throw in some solid power from DeRosa and Edmonds and every HR Fukudome hits is gravy. That said, I believe he WILL get better. The question, ultimately, is whether he'll improve enough to make a difference this season. I think he will and I reiterate I think he will be a badass in 2009. Look at the difference between Theriot in 07 and 08. Theriot kind of wore himself out last year and this year is cooking along nicely. It's a difference in conditioning for a major league season. One could even argue Fukudome was working himself too hard, following the regimen he was accustomed to in Japan, where the practices are longer. I have to say, his defense is too good to replace him. If he can get his stroke back, he can continue to hit near the bottom of the order and hopefully contribute. I think the rest of our offense is solid enough to absorb it if continues to struggle. If he's still struggling come playoff time, we can always use Reed Johnson and Edmonds in right and center.
Anyway, the Cubs took 2 of 3 from D.C., losing only one game in spectacular fashion on my birthday. Naturally. Still, some things remain constant. Carlos Zambrano is still awesome. Mark DeRosa continues to be one of Jim Hendry's smoothest moves as a GM. Rich Harden is filthy. And the Soto-Rooter put another jimmyjack on the board, giving him 19 on the year. And the motherfucker can catch! There are 32 games remaining. I doubt the Cubs can go 20-12 to notch a hundred win season, but if they keep playing this way, they might come damn close.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Hey douchebags, The Mustache is back. The Poet's still busy at his 9-5 job, so I'm here to stir things up. In case you haven't noticed, I'm employed again as Kerry Wood has returned from blister hell to resume closing for your Chicago Cubs. So the ol' Hairball is back in action as well, keeping that shoulder tendon of Woody's nice and strong. The pay is good and the brew and the bitches are flowing.
Me and the Closer Beard have been watching the Olympics the past week or so. Pretty sweet job by that Phelps kid. USA all the way. My favorite sport is the beach volleyball. What'd you think I was gonna say, gymnastics? Sun, sand, and tiny bikinis, that's the way to go. Sit me down at the end with cold bucket of brews and that's the perfect day for the 'Stache. Here's what's shaking . . .
Every time a strip club closes, the ‘Stache gets a little misty. Excuse me a moment . . .
All right kids, that's it for me. I'm fucking sick of typing. In keeping with the Olympic Spirit, here's some stuff that fires up my torch. Drink one for me.
Friday, August 15, 2008
The Cubs completed a three game sweep of the Braves by bitchslapping Tom Glavine around like a little girl on Thursday, scoring 7 runs off the future HOFer in 4 innings. Ted "The Killer" Lilly gave up 4 runs, but struck out 8 and nailed one whiny little bitch of a shortstop in the arm. This prompted the benches to clear, despite the fact that a Braves pitcher had thrown near Soriano's head in the previous game and broken his hand in the earlier series at Wrigley.
Now normally, I don't go in for the beanball nonsense. The Cubs took the high road in the Brewers series earlier and refused to be baited into a childish pissing match. I applauded them for being the more mature team and not getting distracted from playing the game. The Braves are a different story. The animosity here dates back to last season, when Alfonso knocked three homers in a single game. The next day he caught one in the ribs. Ted Lilly retaliated in that series, drilling Edgar Renteria, and was tossed before warnings were even issued, which was complete crap. It should have ended there, but of course it didn't. Renteria felt the need to go after Mike Fontenot, chopping Mike on the neck when he stole second and went in hard. Apparently, Atlanta feels that the score wasn't evened up, which I can't understand at all. Soriano=Renteria, plus we let you smack our 2nd baseman, and Lilly was tossed, whereas Hudson wasn't despite nailing Soriano. If anyone should feel slighted, it's the Cubs.
In 2008, the Braves came to Wrigley and they broke Soriano's hand with a tight pitch. Now he gets buzzed near the dome after continuing to offensively punish Atlanta. What a childish bunch of crap. Frankly, I expected better from a Bobby Cox managed team. Ted Lilly manned up and nailed Yunel Escobar, who should be directing his complaints to either Francisley Bueno, who was the one who threw near 'fonso's head or to his manager for allowing this bullshit to continue. At least Lilly wasn't tossed last night like he was last season. I'd also advise Escobar not to screw with Ted Lilly. The Ted Lilly Fan Club sums it up best here.
I'd like to think this is all over and done with, but the Braves can't seem to let this go. You know, if Alfonso Soriano is beating the crap out of you, maybe you should blame your pitching before you throw at the man. You could always walk him for crissake. I guess what irritates me the most is that the Braves have the gall to be pissed off when the Cubs retaliate. If you're gonna stir the shit, don't be surprised when some splashes back on you. 6-0 motherfuckers. See you next year.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Been a busy week for me as we finished up our fiscal year end. Been watching the ballgames and the Olympics over the past couple days, so this is the most I've used the remote since that Aurora Snow marathon on pay per view the other day. The Cubs took two of three from the Cardinals over the weekend, a series marred only by the colossal ass-whipping El Toro Loco took on Saturday. Luckily for me, I missed most of it, taking a TV break to finally catch The Dark Knight. I am now permanently ruined for all movies, comic book or otherwise. I liked The Dark Knight so much, I want to make sweet love to it. This was the Batman movie I've waited my whole damn life for someone to make. Thank you Christopher Nolan, you rock.
Dempster was awesome on Sunday, even if I did skip some of the game to watch Michael Phelps and company kick some Frenchie butt. This is the first year I've been excited about the Olympics in quite a while and like a lot of people, I've been caught up in the Phelps mania. I love swimming anyway, but this guy is just something else. Usually I just watch the beach volleyball and drool, but a lot of the other events have held my interest as well this year. The opening ceremonies were pretty sweet as well and whomever ends up with the next Games is gonna have a helluva time topping this year's.
Cubs meet the Braves at 6 tonight. Let's keep the good vibes going, despite rumors that Kosuke may be headed to the bench. Hopefully, Fukudome can get it going against Atlanta tonight and finish his first year strong. Go Cubs and go US.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I've been MIA lately as this week is the busiest time of the year where I work. Not that any of you really gives a rat's ass, but I thought I'd make sure to post just so people don't think the site is folding or anything. As soon as Monday rolls around, things will return to normal (whatever that is) and regular posting will resume. So to the five people who read this web site, I say thank you. Kisses.
Friday, August 1, 2008
August 3rd is Rod Beck's Birthday. Since I have no computer ac cess Sunday, here is a special post regarding the man who ga ve this site its name.
August 3rd is Rod Beck's Birthday. Since I have no computer ac
here is a special post regarding the man who ga
ve this site its name.
The year is 1998. I have just graduated from college and am working full time for the first time in my life. Full blown alcoholism is still a year away. The world is my oyster. I’ve been a Cub fan for most of my life, but this is the year it turns serious. This is where true obsession begins. My main man, Mark Grace, is still with the Cubs, but this year brings two new heroes to light. The first is Kerry Wood, the young rookie phenom with the fireball arm. The other is the man who epitomizes ‘closer’ to me: the mulleted, fu-manchued, beer-bellied wonder that is Rod Beck.
He is known as The Shooter. He has a steely gaze that intimidates hitters before he throws a single pitch. His right arm has a restless energy of its own as it twitches spasmodically while he crouches over the mound, glaring in at the hitter. He is from the John Kruk school of baseball, which means he doesn’t resemble an athlete so much as a beer league softball player, probably the one who brings the keg to the game for his teammates. He is also magnificent.
Rod Beck came to the Cubs via free agency in 1998. He went on to record 51 saves in 58 chances, a big part of the Cubs’ Wildcard run. 1999 was a different story, as The Shooter battled injuries, eventually being traded to the Red Sox. In 2001, the big man had Tommy John surgery. Eventually, he was signed to a minor league deal by the Cubs in 2003.
Some of you may ask: Why the big deal about a guy who only pitched just a year and a half for the Cubs? Most of his best years were with the Giants before he ever became a Cub. All of this is true, but there’s more to the Rod Beck story. While with the minors in
Beck did get his chance, as the San Diego Padres offered him a role in the majors again when closer Trevor Hoffman was injured. The Shooter posted 20 saves in 20 chances with a 1.78 ERA for the Padres in 2003. He was voted the Comeback Player of the Year, but struggled personally and professionally in 2004 and was released.
On June 23rd of last year, The Shooter was found dead at his home in
To me, in 1998, Rod Beck was bigger than life. When I decided to create my own baseball blog, his attitude and humor seemed a perfect fit for a tribute. There was just something electric about the guy. On August 3rd, 2008, Rodney Roy Beck would have turned forty years old. Pick up a sixer of Coors this Sunday and drink a toast to the Mustachioed One himself.
God Speed Shooter.
Thursday the Cubs laid a whupping on the Milwaukee Brewers, handily beating the piss out them with their own sausages. Jim "My Career Ain't Over" Edmonds hit two homeruns, including a grand salami. Fukudome's bat continues to rebound from his mid-season slump as he added a two run shot of his own. And our pitching? Holy Crap. Rich Harden finally earned his first Cub win and struck out nine. Nine! That's ten, ten, ten, and nine Ks in his first four games, if anyone's counting. Sabathia's been sexier, with his 4 wins and 3 complete games, but so long as we can get the new kid some runs and he stays healthy, he's gonna catch up pretty quick. Dempster continues to be the best thing to come out of Canada since LaBlatt Blue and Zambrano is just a beast. I love this team!
I didn't expect the Cubs to sweep, given how anemic the bats were to start the second half, but the Cubs came in hot after that win against Florida on Sunday and never looked back. They manhandled the Brewers offensively and our pitching dominated their high scoring offense. Now I know we're only in the first throes of August, but I gotta say, the boys in blue look very sharp. I don't expect this to be the turning point of the season or anything, as there's still plenty of ball left to play, but it was sure enjoyable.
I found myself very disappointed in the Brewers the last game. The one knock I have on their team is that they resort to childish, pantie twisting bullcrap when they get knocked around. It happened last year against St. Louis and now the whole thing with Gagne throwing behind Edmonds in the 9th. The guy hit two homeruns, didn't pose for pictures as far as I could tell, so what's with the circus stuff? It was apparent Gagne meant to hit Edmonds, but Jim pulled his butt in and the pitch sailed past him. Leave it to Jim Edmonds to NOT take one in the ass. How you could argue that wasn't intentional is beyond me, but Gagne and Yost tried. Then Fielder throws his hissy fit in the 9th and gets rung as well. Get over it Prince. It was 11-4. You could have hit one to the moon and it wouldn't have fucking mattered. I didn't see where you had anything to bitch about anyway. Eat a tofuburger and shut the fuck up. Conversely, the Cubs handled the 9th with grace. No beanballs from Eyre or Marshall, although I'd be willing to bet if there'd been a close play at second in the top half, Edmonds might have tried to take down Weeks or Hardy. The Cubs may not forget what happened, but if the playoffs are on the line the next time we see the Sausage Slingers, I doubt you'll see any retaliation. I think the boys will just file it away for 2009. Whether it's just tempers boiling over or just a low class maneuver by Yost to try and distract the Cubs, it's still bullshit. The Brewers remind me of the Cubs from 2004, when they allowed distractions and ass-whippings to get to them. (See Moises Alou, Kent Mercker, et al.) Maybe I'm wrong, but this just suggests to me that maybe the Brewers aren't quite ready for the playoffs. A little more maturity down the road and I think they'll get their chances, as their young studs get a little more seasoning. A new manager might help, too, as Yost seems sort of clueless to me. Maybe not Dusty Baker bad, but Yost's style (or lack thereof) just doesn't work for me. With guys like Lou, LaRussa, Scoscia, Francona, and Torre in the game, you just need to manage smarter. They've got a great team and they could still overtake us, but I think they have a lot of growing up to do, hopefully starting next year or the year after.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
What's up, cock-knockers? It's your old buddy the Mustache, back for another round of bullshit and broads. The boys look pretty good so far, taking down Sabathia and Sheets the last two nights. And the Poet was worried. Pussy. Wisconsin may be shit for sports, but they do make good fucking beer. I've been 'faced since Sunday night. Me and the Closer Beard took a drive up north looking for some action and came across this place:
Yep, it's a strip club with a giant badger head outside, plus a storage shed with a squirrel . Only in Wisconsin, motherfuckers. It wasn't too bad, except for the dancer with the wooden leg. At least the beer was cold. Anyway, here's some more weird shit the ol' Hairball found this week:
Dougie Glanville finally got around to answering his fan mail. Nice.
The Mustache might know this chick.
This is why The Mustache is agnostic. This too.
Hey, what can Brown do for you? If I were a UPS driver, the last thing I'd fuckin' want would be a last ride in one of the turd mobiles I spent my career driving. Just sayin'
I think I found my new favorite restaurant.
All of the Mustache's teachers looked like the ass-end of an ugly mule. Where was this broad when I was a lad? And this one? Makes me wanna go back to school. With a video camera.
Sheesh. Just when I thought the Cubs-White Sox rivalry would never sink to the level of Yankees-Red Sox, this three asshats come along. It's a kid's game, you jerks. Lighten up.
The Mustache was never this hard up. Not even when I was just a pussy-tickler.
Someone’s got his panties all in a twist. Jesus Christ, drink a beer, get a blow-job, and shut the ever loving fuck up.
And now, for your leering pleasure . . . The Mustache is feeling his inner geek this week, so here's some shots of Kari Bynum from Mythbusters. Redheads, man. Can't get enough of 'em. And this one blows shit up. Hotness . . .
Disclaimer: The Mustache's viewpoints are not necessarily those of The Shooter's Lounge. If you're offended by anything The Mustache says, please remember you're taking umbrage at fiction generated by an equally fictitious strip of talking hair.-LoserPoet
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Jim Hendry amazes me sometimes. Not only did he snag Rich Harden from the A's, he somehow managed to convince Billy Beane to throw in Chad Gaudin as insurance. Gaudin gave up a homer to the first batter he faced as a Cub, but he's been pretty tough since then. Last night, he earned his second win in two days, pitching through the toughest part of the Brewer order. Plus his nickname is the Wolverine. How fucking cool is that?
Ted Lilly was pretty good last night, too, matching up well with CC Sabathia. Lilly did get knocked around in the sixth, giving up back to back homers to J.J. Hardy and Ryan Braun. Since both of these guys are currently blasting the shit out of everyone, I'm not too upset. Lilly gave up another run in the inning, but it could have been much worse. Considering he was basically lights out for five, that's a quality start, kids.
Marmol was pure filth in the ninth, which was nice to see. He did walk one, but the way his fastball and slider were working, it almost wasn't fair. If he can continue to pitch like that, the Cubs will be just fine until the return of the Closer Beard.
Derrek Lee was the main offensive force last night, along with Alfonso Soriano, who's starting to look like the 136 million dollar man again. The Secret Weapon made an appearance in the 9th and drew a walk, scoring on a DeRosa single. Lou rewarded him with some ale and pipe weed. No word on whether it was Longbottom Leaf or Old Toby.
Tonight's game features another pitcher's duel as El Toro Loco takes on Mr. Glass. Should be a good one, folks.
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Cubs were on their way to losing another game to the Marlins on Sunday, but luckily the offense came to life. (Apparently, somebody remembered to set off the explosive mixture needed to appease Jobu and wake up the bats). Soriano seems to be finding his groove after returning from the DL and DLee found the power stroke as well. Jason Marquis was sucky in the early going, coughing up 2 homeruns to Mike Jacobs and 1 to Dan Uggla for a total of six earned over six innings. Not so good, Jason. However, he did coax a walk from VandenHurk to bring Soriano up with two on. Mostly, this game was about the slice of awesome that is Mike Fontenot. The little hobbit came up big yet again, hitting a bases loaded double to give the Cubs the lead. Gaudin replaced Marquis and gave the Cubs another solid inning of work before Lou brought in Jeff Samardzija to close out the 9th.
I may have to eat my words on Samardzija, if he continues to pitch as he has in his first two appearances. Two games don't make a career or even a season, but the Shark does look very good. If Marmol continues to show his ineffectiveness is behind him and Wood comes back blister free, our pen should be nasty down the stretch. Of course, an acquisition like George Sherrill would further stabilize one of our main assets. The Orioles are said to want a shortstop. We still have Ronnie Cedeno. I would doubt that would be enough, but hell, you never know. The emergence of Mike Fontenot sort of makes Cedeno expendable in my mind.
The Cubs head to Cheese Country tonight to take on CC Sabathia and the Brewers. The Killer better bring his good shit and let's hope the Cubs bring their bats with them as well. CC's 4-0 since joining the Brewers and is looking Cy Young-esque. On the plus side, the Series with Milwaukee will be Marquis free.
Friday, July 25, 2008
The Hall of Fame righted a wrong by awarding Buck O'Neil a statue and naming the Lifetime Achievement Award after him today at noon. This was first announced during the World Series last year, but made official today in Cooperstown. O'Neil missed the HOF by one measly vote, despite a long, milestone filled career and his ambassadorship for the game. Congrats, Buck. Too bad you didn't live to see this moment.
Julio Castillo, a pitcher for the Cubs' A Club, the Peoria Chiefs was arrested following Thursday night's game in Dayton after he threw a ball into the stands, injuring a fan. Apparently, Castillo took umbrage at Dayton's pitcher hitting a Chief player in the first inning, so he followed suit, hitting a Dayton Dragons player in the head and another in the arm. The second player hit, Angel Cabrerra, slid into second with his spikes up, and Castillo then threw high and tight to another Dayton batter. This prompted some comments from Dayton manager Donnie Scott, which in turn brought out Chiefs' interim manager Carmelo Martinez, who proceeded to shove Scott. Castillo then threw gasoline on the fire by hurling a fastball at the dragon's dugout. Then as they say, it was on. Full out bench clearing brawl and a 69 minute delay to get everything sorted out. The umpires ejected 15, but were later overruled by the league office after both teams whined and complained that they would have to use pitchers in the outfield to finish the game. (You can watch the brawl erupt here on Wrigleyville23.)
As for Castillo, he whipped a ball at the opposing team's dugout, but being a Cub prospect, missed by a mile and the bail sailed into the stands, injuring a fan, who had to be taken to the hospital. I'm perfectly fine with pitchers protecting their teammates. One of your guys gets hit, you hit one of their players in retaliation, preferably on the butt or some other padded area. Firstly, you don't hit guys in the head. Secondly, as soon as you hit one guy, it's over. You hit a second, we have problems. Don't get all bitchy and whiny when the second guy hit goes in spikes up. He earned the right when you plunked him as you are no longer even at that point. Thirdly, don't compound the problem by throwing in at the next guy up. And finally, regardless of what happens, you don't heave a 90mph+ fastball into the other team's dugout.
Julio Castillo, I'm embarrassed that you're in the Cubs organization. The Cubs should immediately terminate your contract and the other teams should blackball you. The Cubs should also pay for the fan's medical bills and hopefully settle any lawsuits he/she might file. Castillo should also be held accountable for any damages over what the club is willing to pay out. This was a shameful display by nearly everyone involved. The managers did nothing to restore any semblance of calm for their players and the umpires should have taken control of the game and kicked Castillo out after the second plunking, issuing warnings at that time. Maybe that would have prevented the complete, utter bullshit that followed. This is the Delmon Young bat-throwing temper-tantrum times a thousand and the league and the Cubs need to take appropriate action.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Well, the Cubs suck on the road, but mercifully, the road trip is over for now, the Cubs managing to avoid another sweep. Alfonso Soriano returned last night, but the real hero turned out to be Reed Johnson, who smacked his second grand slam of the year. Apparently, the physical and mental strain of partying with the Shooter's Mustache and the Closer Beard caught up to Reed, forcing him to shave his awesome Fu Manchu. Some solid pitching and hitting from Ted Lilly was another difference maker as the Cubs won 10-6. Also a good sign was another scoreless frame from beleaguered pitcher Carlos Marmol, who looks to be the closer until Kerry Wood's Closer Beard eats the blister on his pointer finger. No word if Marmol plans on growing facial hair to deflect attention from his enormous elephant ears.
In more disgusting news, CC Sabathia twirled another complete game for the Brewers. Fat Bastard is now 4-0 since moving to sausage country, while our own Dick Hardon has two no decisions. Swell. Now there's talk of the Blue Jays shopping Roy Halladay and that St. Louis might be one of the teams interested if such a thing were to come to pass. Fanfuckingtastic. I'm not panicking by any stretch of the imagination, but can't we just have one year? One lousy fucking year where the Cubs could dominate the division and win the whole enchilada? One year where other fans would just have to say "Hey, the Cubs were the best team in Year X?" That's all I want. I don't want the Cubs to win so I can act like a douchebag. I just want them to win before my old man dies, before I'm too old to actually enjoy it, and so the number 1908 ceases to have any significance. Besides, I really like this bunch of goobers and I'd to see them be the team that finally ends the drought. I want to see Carlos Zambrano in the World Series wearing Cub Blue, dammit.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
It’s your old pal the Mustache again. The Cubs sure look shitty since the All-Star Break, don’t they? This whole no offense thing is pissing me off. On the plus side, Kerry Wood’s Closer Beard and I have a new drinking buddy: Reed Johnson’s Fu Manchu. Now instead of looking like some random Staind fan, he looks like the gay biker from the Village People, and I mean that in a good way. Welcome to the club, Reed. I'd shoot you a pic, but apparently Reed hasn't done anything meriting a photo since he grew his fine facial foliage.
By the way, The LoserPoet said I can start doing this post once a week. We'll see how motivated I am during the stretch when the hardcore drinking begins. Your dose of random weirdness starts here:
With friends like this, who needs enemies? Not the meaning of FireCrotch the Mustache is fond of.
How come I can't get a hot chick to do this on any of the flights I'm on? Or this while I'm driving? Step up the crazy ladies, the Mustache is bored. Speaking of which, whatever happened to this chick? If you're gonna go to the trouble of getting arrested, you might as well bare it all. Wuss.
One less place for the Stache to visit when the Cubs swing through New York. Good times.
If you were a 13 year old boy, why in God's name would you turn this in? Are you on crack? Go back to the PlayStation, son.
And on that note, here's the object of my affection this week, the lovely Alyssa Milano. No one looks better than her in Cub Blue. Or out of it. Plus, she actually digs baseball. Bonus points.
Disclaimer: The Mustache's viewpoints are not necessarily those of The Shooter's Lounge. If you're offended by anything The Mustache says, please remember you're taking umbrage at fiction generated by an equally fictitious strip of talking hair.-LoserPoet