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Effectively Wild is your place for mediocre coverage of the Chicago Cubs, Chicago Blackhawks, Arsenal FC, and FC Kaiserslautern.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

59-42: Escape from the Desert

Well, the Cubs suck on the road, but mercifully, the road trip is over for now, the Cubs managing to avoid another sweep. Alfonso Soriano returned last night, but the real hero turned out to be Reed Johnson, who smacked his second grand slam of the year. Apparently, the physical and mental strain of partying with the Shooter's Mustache and the Closer Beard caught up to Reed, forcing him to shave his awesome Fu Manchu. Some solid pitching and hitting from Ted Lilly was another difference maker as the Cubs won 10-6. Also a good sign was another scoreless frame from beleaguered pitcher Carlos Marmol, who looks to be the closer until Kerry Wood's Closer Beard eats the blister on his pointer finger. No word if Marmol plans on growing facial hair to deflect attention from his enormous elephant ears.

In more disgusting news, CC Sabathia twirled another complete game for the Brewers. Fat Bastard is now 4-0 since moving to sausage country, while our own Dick Hardon has two no decisions. Swell. Now there's talk of the Blue Jays shopping Roy Halladay and that St. Louis might be one of the teams interested if such a thing were to come to pass. Fanfuckingtastic. I'm not panicking by any stretch of the imagination, but can't we just have one year? One lousy fucking year where the Cubs could dominate the division and win the whole enchilada? One year where other fans would just have to say "Hey, the Cubs were the best team in Year X?" That's all I want. I don't want the Cubs to win so I can act like a douchebag. I just want them to win before my old man dies, before I'm too old to actually enjoy it, and so the number 1908 ceases to have any significance. Besides, I really like this bunch of goobers and I'd to see them be the team that finally ends the drought. I want to see Carlos Zambrano in the World Series wearing Cub Blue, dammit.

BallHype: hype it up!

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