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Effectively Wild is your place for mediocre coverage of the Chicago Cubs, Chicago Blackhawks, Arsenal FC, and FC Kaiserslautern.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Mustache Rides

Rod Beck's Mustache here. This is my first visit to this craphole. I think Rod would have liked it, but where's the action? Where's the beer, the booze, and the broads? It's a fucking sausage fest in here. Well, I'm here now, bitches, fresh from my stay in a Mexican jail (big misunderstanding, not the Mustache's fault). Here, have a Coors Light and sit back. The Mustache is goin' Hollywood, specifically actresses he'd like to give a free mustache ride to. Whaddya mean this a baseball site? Fuck you. The Mustache does whatever he wants. Before we talk chicks, check ME out here. Ain't I sexy? Your girlfriend thinks so. # 6 my hairy ass.

First up is Anne Hathaway. Holee Shit, did she come a long way from Disney flicks. And all without ending up a drug-abusing, no pantie-wearing, rehab entering, head-shaving, career floundering psycho bitch. Hey, those are usually the kind of chicks the Mustache hangs with! Anne's probably too classy for me, but the ol' hairball can dream, can't he? I might be a notch above her last boyfriend, heh heh.

I gotta go. I'm meeting Kerry Wood's Beard and Reed Johnson's Emo Patch to try and scare up some chicks who aren't dudes dressed like chicks in Frisco tonight!

Disclaimer: The Mustache's viewpoints are not necessarily those of The Shooter's Lounge. If you're offended by anything The Mustache says, please remember you're taking umbrage at fiction generated by an equally fictitious strip of talking hair.-LoserPoet

BallHype: hype it up!

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