Mustache Rides

It’s your old pal the Mustache again. The Cubs sure look shitty since the All-Star Break, don’t they? This whole no offense thing is pissing me off. On the plus side, Kerry Wood’s Closer Beard and I have a new drinking buddy: Reed Johnson’s Fu Manchu. Now instead of looking like some random Staind fan, he looks like the gay biker from the Village People, and I mean that in a good way. Welcome to the club, Reed. I'd shoot you a pic, but apparently Reed hasn't done anything meriting a photo since he grew his fine facial foliage.

By the way, The LoserPoet said I can start doing this post once a week. We'll see how motivated I am during the stretch when the hardcore drinking begins. Your dose of random weirdness starts here:

With friends like this, who needs enemies? Not the meaning of FireCrotch the Mustache is fond of.

How come I can't get a hot chick to do this on any of the flights I'm on? Or this while I'm driving? Step up the crazy ladies, the Mustache is bored. Speaking of which, whatever happened to this chick? If you're gonna go to the trouble of getting arrested, you might as well bare it all. Wuss.

One less place for the Stache to visit when the Cubs swing through New York. Good times.

If you were a 13 year old boy, why in God's name would you turn this in? Are you on crack? Go back to the PlayStation, son.

And on that note, here's the object of my affection this week, the lovely Alyssa Milano. No one looks better than her in Cub Blue. Or out of it. Plus, she actually digs baseball. Bonus points.

Disclaimer: The Mustache's viewpoints are not necessarily those of The Shooter's Lounge. If you're offended by anything The Mustache says, please remember you're taking umbrage at fiction generated by an equally fictitious strip of talking hair.-LoserPoet