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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Mustache Rides, August 19th, 2008

Hey douchebags, The Mustache is back. The Poet's still busy at his 9-5 job, so I'm here to stir things up. In case you haven't noticed, I'm employed again as Kerry Wood has returned from blister hell to resume closing for your Chicago Cubs. So the ol' Hairball is back in action as well, keeping that shoulder tendon of Woody's nice and strong. The pay is good and the brew and the bitches are flowing.

Me and the Closer Beard have been watching the Olympics the past week or so. Pretty sweet job by that Phelps kid. USA all the way. My favorite sport is the beach volleyball. What'd you think I was gonna say, gymnastics? Sun, sand, and tiny bikinis, that's the way to go. Sit me down at the end with cold bucket of brews and that's the perfect day for the 'Stache. Here's what's shaking . . .


The Mustache wants one. Your mustache wants one. Obey or die, little man.


Every time a strip club closes, the ‘Stache gets a little misty. Excuse me a moment . . .


Designer Vaginas? No thanks, paying for middle-class level vagina is expensive enough . . .


One woman answering the Mustache’s call to crazy things up. Come on ladies, do it for the ol’ Hairball.


WTF moment of the week. Apparently, the Pope is hopping mad . . .


Another hot bi-sexual teacher. The Mustache still feels gypped.


Flat Earth? Is that anything like flat-chested? They both suck ass.


That's all there is to it, the Mustache is fuckin' going to the Beaver Festival.

All right kids, that's it for me. I'm fucking sick of typing. In keeping with the Olympic Spirit, here's some stuff that fires up my torch. Drink one for me.

BallHype: hype it up!

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