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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

DoucheNugget of the Week: Dustin Diamond

For a time last year, my wife was addicted to a couple of reality shows: America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, and the complete fucking disaster that was Celebrity FitClub. Since our cable in the bedroom was busted, I often read a book while my wife would watch this stuff. I happened to be flipping channels a few days ago and saw to my dismay that they've begun a new season of this wretched crap and for whatever perverted reason (ratings) they brought back perennial dickhead Dustin Diamond.

Do you remember this hosebag? If you're my age, you remember this:
We Actually Watched This Shit?
I Didn't Even Actually Do Any Drugs in the 80s

He's the skinny little douchebag on the right. While the other guys on the show were screwing the cheerleaders, he was home with his science kit, jerking off to pictures of the token black chick. While no one on this show has done much after it folded, loser boy was hit harder than most:

Aw, Screech So Sad

Unbeknownst to the world was that behind the sweet, dorky exterior of Screech, there lived the soul of a truly awful human being. This guy is completely repulsive. How after playing nothing but Screech on TV that this guy can be so incredibly arrogant just floors me. If you're Pacino, DeNiro, then you've got cred. When your biggest role was in Saved By the Bell: The College Years Goes to Vegas (and the sex tape you probably leaked yourself) then you've got no right to throw your weight around. Your ass shouldn't even be on TV at this point, you should be bagging groceries at the A & P and thanking Jesus you got that much. Smile when someone recognizes you and always doublebag the eggs. I had to sit through this crap last year and listen to this little pussy heckle a Marine Drill Sergeant. Are you completely out of your fucking mind? And then VH1 brings this dingleberry back for this season. Oh, he's 'changed'. He 'deserves' a second chance. Not with the Drill Sergeant, fuckwit. He ain't buying it and neither am I. This year, luckily for me, I don't have to watch it. (Nobody tell my wife there's a new season, please!) My only hope is that the Marine finally loses it and runs over Screech with a tank. I don't think I've seen anyone in more need of a serious beating. I mean look at this guy:

Fuck You, America

He thinks he's better than you, America. This guy. Seriously. Well, guess what chump. Your fifteen are up. Kindly shuffle aside for the next loser from some ancient TV show so America can get on with its lives. We don't need your kind around here.

BallHype: hype it up!


beru77 said...

And now, "Jessie Spano"-- that's StripTease star Elizabeth Berkley to those who didn't watch the tv classic "Saved By the Bell"--is going to be hosting a dance show on Bravo. What's next? Kirk Cameron on the next "Celebrity" Apprentice?!!

beru77 said...

Oh...pardon my mistake... Ms Berkeley showed off her "dancing" skills in Showgirls... not Striptease. Not sure how I could make that mistake--such a memorable flick.

LoserPoet said...

I think we can forgive the mistake. Showgirls was so bad, it's easy to see why the title is forgettable. Everything about it was pretty much forgettable, although unfortunately Berkley's imitation of a flopping fish during the "sex" scene in the pool is permanently burned into brain. No matter how much I drink, I can't seem to kill that particular brain cell.