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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Mustache Lives!

Rod Beck may be gone, but his memory lives on in the hearts of millions of Cub fans across the world. So does Rod Beck's mustache. A good mustache never dies, and The Shooter's is no exception. In fact, Rod Beck's mustache has a full time gig with the 2008 Chicago Cubs. The mustache's job is to hold Kerry Wood's shoulder tendons in place while Kid K pitches. Rod Beck's mustache is thrilled to be back in the big leagues after kicking around in the minors last year. The mustache's fondest minor league memory was the night it drank a 12 pack of Coors, won an arm wrestling contest, ate seven hot dogs and a plate of extreme nachos, shagged two coeds from Iowa State, and still threw more pitches the next day then Mark Prior threw all season.

The mustache is enjoying its new job, as it relishes working with Kerry Wood again. In fact, the mustache increased Kerry's testosterone levels to the point where Wood broke out in a full beard. Don't blame the mustache for the performance in Game 1, though. It's just there to hold things together. The mustache also wanted to give a shout out to its peeps: Rollie Fingers's handlebar mustache, Goose Gossage's Fu Manchu, and Bruce Sutter's neck beard. All hail the mustache, bitches!

BallHype: hype it up!

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