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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

4-3 or The Anatomy of How NOT to Win

Man, that was an ugly win yesterday. The Cubs did their best, but try as they might, they just couldn't lose that game. The only think I can think of is that they were trying to be kind to Pirates fans and allow them a win on their home opener. Double digits in men left on base, plus three bone headed plays, and the inexplicable loss of control by TR all conspired to turn an easy win into a 12 inning slog through the lineups. The only consolation is that we won the game thanks to some clutch pitching by Mr. Jonathon Lieber, who deservedly got the win. Jon, we couldn't think any more of you, unless you grew a really wicked Fu Manchu. Personally, I think all of the Cubs need to take after DLee and Kerry Wood and grow the full beard this year. Or barring that, a really rocking goatee. Some of these guys need some facial hair so I don't mistake them for 12 year olds. I'm looking at you, Ronny Cedeno. Maybe a nice mustache will help your aim. Nice throw, dickhead. There are some guys who need less facial hair. Hey, Reed Johnson: the nineties are over, pal. Either grow a mustache to go with that mouse you've got clinging to your chin or shave it all off.

Another day basking in the glory that is Kosuke Fukudome. I think he needs a little devil goatee. On second thought, K-Fuk, stay just the way you are. You're beautiful, baby. Geovany Soto had an excellent day as well. Starting to look like last year was no fluke for the big catcher. Take the day off, boys. Go to one of Pittsburgh's fine museums. Bang a few coeds. Anything to erase the spectacle of yesterday's, urm, victory. I hope it's all out of your system because I saw a bunch of guys who looked suspiciously like the 2004/06 Cubs out there. Let's not go there again, fellas.

155 to go.

BallHype: hype it up!

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