Too Many Changes

Hey kids, after a lot of thinking, I've decided to rename the Lounge. I still love Rod Beck and will continue to try and honor his memory, but I decided I'd like to give the site a more universal appeal. Therefore, the Lounge is dead and Effectively Wild is born. You can continue to count on the same great Cubs coverage (or lack thereof). The humor will remain the same, but I hope to make this site more than just a player tribute page. Basically, this is just what the industry weenies call a "rebranding". I hope that this site can get better in the future with more consistent posting on my part. Welcome to the Wild!

Blow it Up

I've seen a plethora of open letters to Tom Ricketts, the would be owner of the Chicago Cubs. far be it from me to buck a trend. I have one wish to convey to Mr. Rickett: Blow Up Wrigley Field.

What's that? "Sacrilege!", all the baseball purists cry. "Never", trumpet the Chad and Trixie crowd. "Tradition!", the blue clad mob of die-hard crusty Cub fans scream. What the fuck is this, Fiddler on the Roof? Seriously, Wrigley Field must go.

Don't get me wrong, I love Wrigley as much as the next Cub fan. She's a grand old lady, a ghost from baseball's past. Her brick and ivy clad walls have seen the passage of time and the making of history. They have seen great players of the ages and seen baseball's color barrier fall.

But do you know what they haven't seen?

A World Series Champion. That's right, the Cubs have never won it all in the Friendly Confines. I don't believe in curses, hexes, goats, black cats, and other mumbo jumbo, but it cannot be denied that Wrigley has seen more than her fair share of futility.

Along with all that history, Lady Wrigley has also been ravished by the forces of time. Netting can't hold back this erosion forever. Cub fans, we need to come to terms with the fact that this place will eventually crumble to dust. We can choose to cling to the past or we can rise up and embrace the future. Mr. Ricketts, the choice is yours, but I for one would like to see the Cubs begin construction on a new state of the art ballpark, something to rival the scope and tradition of our venerable old ballpark, as well as icons like Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park. Let us forge not just a new ballpark, but a new winning tradition to go with it.

Time marches on. The years slide by. Other franchises have changed stadiums several times over while Wrigley has remained. She is a jewel, albeit a flawed stone now. Let her go gracefully into the shadows of the past and let us a have a new glittering diamond worthy and reflective of the new century. I say we begin construction of a new park, to be completed in 2015. As was the case for Yankee Stadium, let the All-Star Game be played one final time in Wrigley in 2014, the 100 year anniversary of her construction. Let us send Wrigley out in style.

Mr. Ricketts, I realize that you met your wife in Wrigley's stands. I know that you understand what being a Cub fan is and how important tradition is. But I urge you sir, to not just look to the past. Tradition is important, but you are the owner now, the steward of this franchise. It's up to you to not just honor tradition, but create it.

MB's Neighborhood: What's Up Chicago?

MB here. I can't tell you how happy I am be to be in this city. There were no black people in Texas, man. Seriously, cracker central. Now, I know that some of you may be a little scared to see me here. You've probably heard all the rumors and bullshit about my temper. That's why I'm here, man. I want to dispel some of the salacious attacks against my person.

1. The Bottle

Man, I wasn't upset that the fan threw a bottle at me. I was just pissed that it wasn't a plastic beer bottle. Who the fuck throws a water bottle? A real sports fan throws a beer. Cheap bitch. Throw a motherfucking bottle at me, I bust you one in the-whoo, sorry. Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean.

2. The Balls on the Field

I was seriously just trying to help the umps out. You know how they've got those little ball pouches around their fat waists, yet they're always running out of balls and the ball boys have to run back and forth all the time. I was just cutting out the middleman, making sure the umps had plenty of balls. Damn sure they don't have any between their legs, blind cocksuckers. Tell me what's a strike, you no-good jerkoff, I'll cut you-hey now, wow. Deep breath, MB. Just chill, man. I'm an Eskimo in an igloo baby. It's all good.

3. Jeff Kent

I don't understand this one. I called Jeff Kent a racist. So what? Jeff Kent is a racist. He's such a cracker there's a picture of him on the saltines box. He's the head cracker. He's also a dick with feet. Fuck Jeff Kent.

4. How I Tore My ACL

This was pretty stupid, I'll even admit. I got hurt trying to twist away from my own coach. But both me and Meachem heard that umpire call me a "fucking piece of shit". Todd Helton heard it, too. 'Interesting' my black ass. Winters is lucky I didn't get a hold of him back then. I'd have twisted his head off his fat fucking neck and shat in it. But not anymore. I'm rehabilitated. That shit just slides off me now. Sonofabitch. I missed playing time thanks to you, dickweed. How'd you like it if I poke your eyes out, take away your livelihood for a while, bitch? That's ain't how you talk to a man on the field, you worthless-easy, MB, easy. It ain't worth it. Sticks and stones, brother, sticks and stones.

5. My Run In With Ryan Lefebvre

Who really gives a crap what I did to some announcer? In Kansas City? Thanks for comparing me unfavorably to some guy who did crack. Man, I just get angry. You'd be angry too if your parents had named you after a damn board game. All growing up, motherfuckers coming up to me: 'Hey, Pictionary' or 'What up, Monopoly? Sorry, Parker Brothers, I guess you failed the Game of Life. You sank my Battleship, Connect Four.' You try dealing with that shit and see if you end up normal.

I just want to reassure the city of Chicago and Cub fans everywhere that all this acting up is behind me. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow ballplayers and the fans for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me, but I promise to be reasonable and use good judgment. I have served my time in anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better. Who said 'Mousetrap'?! I will bust my foot off in your ass!

2009: Welcome Back to the Lounge

Hey kids, Arcturus here. It's a new year here at the Lounge and we're starting to gear up for the upcoming season. Hopefully, the actual season will be better than the offseason. Here at the Lounge, our good friend the Mustache has departed, leaving to go to Cleveland with the Closer Beard. Sadly, the Cubs chose to part ways with TSL favorite Kerry Wood. Wood is joined in Cleveland by utility wunderkind Mark DeRosa, whose departure opens a huge gap. And no, that gap isn't and cannot be filled by Aaron Miles, the white Ramon Martinez/Neifei Perez. The Cubs also added Joey Gathright and let Jim Edmonds fade into the sunset in search of greener pastures and seedier leather bars. Also departing will be the legendary Hank White and the not so legendary Bobby Howry. Hopefully, Jason Marquis will be the Rockies' problem in 2009, as he could be traded any day now. Hendry also added mercurial slugger Milton Bradley, who when healthy promises to be an exciting addition to the club, on and off the field. There are also rumblings of the sale of the Cubs finally coming to pass, so it promises to be an exciting year indeed.

With the assumption that Carlos "The Marmolnator" Marmol will be appointed the Cubs' closer, the Lounge has a new feature in the sidebar. Marmol-Nation will track our favorite fireballer's stats for 2009. Never fear, The Soto-Rooter will continue to highlight the offensive and defensive achievements of the Puerto Rican Teddy Bear, Geovany Soto. In addition, pending his physical, the Lounge will feature commentary from a special new contributor. I expect to hear from him Wednesday or Thursday.

It's a new year, and soon to be a new season of Cubs baseball. The Lounge will be back with a bang with more posts, more douchenuggets, and gayer than ever. Happy 2009!

Change is Afoot

The three of you who read this website may have noticed that my name changed. LoserPoet is no more, replaced with Arcturus. What does this mean for you, the loyal reader? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Our crappy content will remain the same. I also wanted to announce that the Lounge will officially reopen once the baseball season begins. I will offer updates should the boys in blue do anything useful during the offseason.

If you don't know, Thunder Matt's Saloon has closed its doors. While I wasn't associated with the Saloon for very long, I enjoyed the hell out of my tenure there and am totally psyched to be part of the TMS crew's latest venture: PompCulture

PompCulture promises to be a beacon of humor and wit in the internet wasteland. There will still be Cubs content, although that will not be the main focus. Hopefully, it will be an entertaining look at pop culture, politics, entertainment, and sports that people will enjoy reading. Check it out, you just might like it.

As for the Lounge, I can't promise to post every day, but with the death of TMS, this site returns to being my main outlet for all things Cubs. Hopefully 2009 ends on a better note than 2008 for the Northsiders. Viva Rod Beck!

The Soto-Rooter Takes Rookie of the Year

No surprise here, but Geovany Soto, rook catcher for the Chicago Cubs, pantsed the competition to take home ROY honors for the National League. The sexy Puerto Rican hit 23 home runs and drove in 86, posting a .285 average. All while being one of the best backstops in the game, rookie or no. Not too shabby, Geo. We'll toss back a cold one for you, buddy!

The Offseason Sucks

Hi motherfuckers,

Just checking in to see how things are going with the Lounge. The bar's a bit dusty and I think one of The Mustache's whores might have died in the corner. I've been pretty busy with the Thunder Matt gig and have really enjoyed working with the other bartenders over there. If you've been paying attention, you know that TMS is changing its name and ceasing to be a Cubs blog. Witness the birth of something cool at www.pompculture.com

Mostly what I came here to reflect upon was how shitty the offseason is. Granted, I've begun following football, so I'm not quite as bored as in years past, but the pigskin will never replace baseball as my obsession. Currently, I'm waiting with bated breath to see if Hendry has the stones to wrest Jake Peavy from the Padres. Zambrano, Harden, Peavy, Lilly is enough to make my dick as hard as that brick in left field Soriano's afraid of. We shall see.

In other news, the fate of the free world will be back in capable hands on January 20th, 2009. Thank Jebus. Aside from Obama's white Sox leanings, I think this is a good move for the country, although he's got quite the mess to deal with when he takes office. Temper expectations and hope for the best.

Peace out, see ya in a month or so . . .

85-54: Don't Worry, I'll Leave the Light On . . .

Well kids, the Cubs have dropped four straight. We're officially in the worst losing skid of the year. Now I'm sure all the ledgies and bandwagoneers out there are freaking out, but take heart, oh followers of the Cursed Lost Baseball Tribe, this too shall pass. Captain Walker's out there and he's bringing the children of Cubdom home. It was inevitable that the Cubs would go on a losing streak. That they chose to go on one while the Republican Convention is going on is the only thing that depresses me. I have my own personal Slumpbuster planned for the evening, however. I'm simply not going to watch. Or listen. Or even acknowledge that there's a team on the Northside this evening. It's worked before and hopefully it'll work again. On the plus side, the Sausage Slingers haven't been able to gain any ground, so things remain status quo in the Central.

In other news, I've been offered a chance to join the fine folks over at Thunder Matt's Saloon. What does that mean for the Lounge? Well, it's not going anywhere, although you may not see the same level of activity. The Soto-Rooter will continue to get updated and the martini light will remain on. I hope you'll look for my posts there and stop by and hoist a few Coors' Lights here from time to time. It's been real . . .

80-50: The Fukudome Question

The Cubs are 30 games over .500. Let that sink in a bit. Take your time. I'll wait.

Still here? Okay, let me just say, wow. There's only 32 games left, the Cubs are in first and they still look pretty good. Oh, Fukudome's been struggling, and Howry and Cotts could both end up gator bait and I probably wouldn't complain, but nothing's perfect.

There seems to be two schools of thought on Kosuke. There's the "He Sucks, Bench Him" brigade, undoubtedly the same panic prone ledgies who freak out whenever the offense slumps or Big Z has a bad day. Then there's the folks at Cubs.com who think everything is fixed with one pinch hit homer. A nice homer to be sure, but no guarantee that Kosuke's troubles are behind him.

The truth probably lies somewhere in between. Has Fukudome struggled? Uh, yeah. Anyone who watches baseball can see that. Is it time to pull the plug and send him back to Japan with his tail in between his legs? Absolutely not. First of all, the guy plays a Gold Glove caliber right field, something the Cubs haven't had since . . . since . . . since . . . oh, hell, not in my lifetime. Do you really want Sammy back? How about Jacque Jones? Jeremy Burnitz? Didn't think so. Second of all, this guy can hit. We saw it in the first few months. He hit like a beast in Japan, which while not the equal of the majors, is to my mind a notch above Triple A. He has a track record. I think we need to stick with him and hold on. The Japanese leagues don't travel the way MLB does and don't play as many games. While I think Japan has good hitters, the pitchers in the majors have the edge. I think Fukudome will continue to learn and adjust to the pitching and conditions. I think next season he's going to really surprise a lot of people with how good he really is. Is he ever going to hit 30 home runs? Probably not, but with our lineup, he doesn't need to. People can go on and on about how corner outfield spots need to be power spots, but when you're getting good HR production from 1B, 3B, LF, and C, you're doing pretty good. Throw in some solid power from DeRosa and Edmonds and every HR Fukudome hits is gravy. That said, I believe he WILL get better. The question, ultimately, is whether he'll improve enough to make a difference this season. I think he will and I reiterate I think he will be a badass in 2009. Look at the difference between Theriot in 07 and 08. Theriot kind of wore himself out last year and this year is cooking along nicely. It's a difference in conditioning for a major league season. One could even argue Fukudome was working himself too hard, following the regimen he was accustomed to in Japan, where the practices are longer. I have to say, his defense is too good to replace him. If he can get his stroke back, he can continue to hit near the bottom of the order and hopefully contribute. I think the rest of our offense is solid enough to absorb it if continues to struggle. If he's still struggling come playoff time, we can always use Reed Johnson and Edmonds in right and center.

Anyway, the Cubs took 2 of 3 from D.C., losing only one game in spectacular fashion on my birthday. Naturally. Still, some things remain constant. Carlos Zambrano is still awesome. Mark DeRosa continues to be one of Jim Hendry's smoothest moves as a GM. Rich Harden is filthy. And the Soto-Rooter put another jimmyjack on the board, giving him 19 on the year. And the motherfucker can catch! There are 32 games remaining. I doubt the Cubs can go 20-12 to notch a hundred win season, but if they keep playing this way, they might come damn close.

Mustache Rides, August 19th, 2008

Hey douchebags, The Mustache is back. The Poet's still busy at his 9-5 job, so I'm here to stir things up. In case you haven't noticed, I'm employed again as Kerry Wood has returned from blister hell to resume closing for your Chicago Cubs. So the ol' Hairball is back in action as well, keeping that shoulder tendon of Woody's nice and strong. The pay is good and the brew and the bitches are flowing.

Me and the Closer Beard have been watching the Olympics the past week or so. Pretty sweet job by that Phelps kid. USA all the way. My favorite sport is the beach volleyball. What'd you think I was gonna say, gymnastics? Sun, sand, and tiny bikinis, that's the way to go. Sit me down at the end with cold bucket of brews and that's the perfect day for the 'Stache. Here's what's shaking . . .

http://epicnomz.com/blog/?p=11

The Mustache wants one. Your mustache wants one. Obey or die, little man.

http://epicnomz.com/blog/?p=11

Every time a strip club closes, the ‘Stache gets a little misty. Excuse me a moment . . .

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,395243,00.html

Designer Vaginas? No thanks, paying for middle-class level vagina is expensive enough . . .

http://www.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_10043218

One woman answering the Mustache’s call to crazy things up. Come on ladies, do it for the ol’ Hairball.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article4436051.ece

WTF moment of the week. Apparently, the Pope is hopping mad . . .

http://www.modbee.com/local/story/376089.html

Another hot bi-sexual teacher. The Mustache still feels gypped.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7540427.stm

Flat Earth? Is that anything like flat-chested? They both suck ass.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/02/BAUF123RT3.DTL&type=newsbayarea

That's all there is to it, the Mustache is fuckin' going to the Beaver Festival.

All right kids, that's it for me. I'm fucking sick of typing. In keeping with the Olympic Spirit, here's some stuff that fires up my torch. Drink one for me.