We haven't heard from Rod Beck's Mustache in a while. Turns out he ended up in a Tijuana prison after an all night bender with Kerry Wood's Closer Beard in LA. Apparently there was some property damage at a donkey show and some farmer's daughter ended up pregnant or something. There was gunfire involved, but it was all directed skyward. Par for the course for the mustache. Not to fear, Cubs' brass have paid the fines and arranged for an adoption in nine months, so the mustache is currently winging his way back to Chicago. He was not, repeat, not in Austin and has never spent any time with Cedric Benson.